By Chris Barrymore
As with any list related to artistic endeavors, objectivity goes out the window and subjectivity quickly assumes command. Therefore, this list will reflect (as it should) my own personal tastes. This means no Ice Cube, Ice T, and despite the warning from Stitts, no Vanilla Ice. Deal with it. Not saying that these artists don’t deserve accolades for their music. Well, except for Vanilla Ice. Nothing against him as a person, but the song? That’s another story. Ice Ice Baby is like mold on the unflushed toilet bowl of American pop culture. No matter how hard you scrub, you can never quite get all of it and somehow it still remains. Moving on.
(Disclaimer: Due to the lack of song titles with 'ice' in them in the musical genres that I am really into, there is a limit to how much this list accurately reflects my true musical preferences. It’s not like Rush (really big fan) even has any lyrics with 'ice' in them, so I can’t even stretch that into a Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon style rambling. I’ve got better things to do. Or do I? Again .... moving on).
Skating Away on the Thin Ice of the New Day, Jethro Tull, 1974 – Ever the quirky British band, they’ve now been around for 43 years incorporating a wide range of styles including progressive, folk, blues, classical, and jazz to name a few. The song title could perhaps be applied to an AHL callup hoping for some 4th line duty in that night’s game, but at the same time knowing he may get a tap on the shoulder sending him back to Bridgeport, Rochester, Providence, Grand Rapids or Rockford. Thin ice indeed.
Cold as Ice, Foreigner, 1977 – A staple of classic rock radio, this remains an iconic song that has since been covered by other artists and integrated into the Rock Band video games. Thank you, Lou Gramm and Mick Jones.
Ice Cream Man, Van Halen, 1978 – Eddie and company offered a cover version of this John Brim song on their world shaking debut record. Not necessarily directed related to hockey, but then again who doesn’t enjoy a nice ice cream when watching a game at any level?
The Thin Ice, Pink Floyd, 1979 – Many of these songs about ice understandably convey a feeling of desolation and/or contradiction. Ice, after all, is a cold word. This song from the classic (yet about to crumble) lineup of Pink Floyd is no different.
Fire and Ice, Pat Benatar, 1981 – Another classic rock gem, this is 3 min 20 sec of hard hitting rock from a woman who some say pioneered a certain pathway in music that others have continued to follow. “You come on like a (Calgary?) flame, then you turn a cold shoulder, fire and ice”. Chilling.
Ice, Sarah McLachlan, 1994 – The sultry siren from Nova Scotia, but now based in Vancouver, released this simply titled, yet haunting track, on her Fumbling Towards Ecstasy masterpiece. Most likely a Canucks fan, if a hockey fan at all.
Ice Queen, Within Temptation, 2001 – This Dutch symphonic metal band is fairly popular in Europe. Not so much in North America. And that’s not okay. This particular song has become one of their most popular and is often the show closer.
Ice Cold Man, Probot, 2004 – The Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl lined up a series of singers that inspired him as a youth for this project. This track features Lee Dorian of Napalm Death on what some reviewers have called “a doom laden dirge”. I see this track being used if the NHL ever allows entrance music to be used for certain players, similar to the way that MLB closers can have special music played on their way to the mound for the final 3 outs.
Black Ice, AC/DC, 2008 – The hard rock band’s first new material in 8 years, this title track closed out the album. Say what you will about the band’s tendency to play the same chord over and over, only with different lyrics, throughout the course of their career. Whether you like them or not, there is no denying their popularity and success. And being in Minnesota, black ice will always have a special place in my heart especially since the overnight low tonight is forecast to be between 10 and 20 degrees below 0 (Fahrenheit).
The Hockey Theme, Neil Peart, 2009 - Speaking of Rush, rounding out The Top Ten List is the last minute addition of Neil Peart’s The Hockey Theme, arranged and recorded for TSN. I am qualifying this track on the basis that I’ve seen the subtitle Fire on Ice used for this new version of the old Hockey Night in Canada theme by Canada’s greatest, and some say the world’s greatest rock drummer. It gets no more genuine than this.
And since this list is spawned from a fantasy hockey league, allow me to end with my own fantasy section I like to call the “If Juliette Lewis Can Do It” category.
Drew Barrymore starts a rock band called The Slapshots and they come out with a record/tape/CD/MP3/digital whatever filled with songs of hockey related double entendres and innuendo. Sample song titles may include the following: Slip it Through the 5 Hole, 2 Minutes in the Box, Spearing Me With Your Love, Hooking You In, and Concussion of Love. Other, less sleazy song titles may be something such as Bench Clearing Brawl, Slapshot to My Heart, Goalie Fight, and a ballad titled simply, Icing the Puck of Love.
Now, you may think that wholesome Drew Barrymore would not be capable of such musical debauchery. I too felt the same way. Then I saw her potty mouthed performance in the recent film Going the Distance. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. Not in the film itself, but in the fact that I was witness to the fading innocence of an angel (although this thought conveniently dismisses her late teens/early 20s, but we don’t talk about that). That is why she’s got to start this band. She can’t go back to being “girl next door” Drew, now.
It's too bad Toronto Marlies defenseman, Jeff Finger, was not famous enough for Drew to write about. Her album could lead off with the track, Finger to the Five Hole.
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess there is also the little problem of nobody ever being able to believe that Finger could actually score. Other than the contract he scored from the Leafs, that is.
That Barrymore/Hugh Grant clip almost brings a tear to the eye.
ReplyDeleteDrew Barrymore = fucking awesome
Not much I can add to that Finger comment, aside from the fact that most major retail chains would ban it. But artistic brilliance such as that is rarely accepted or understood in its time. Although I could find no evidence to support it, I would like to think that Mr. FInger can play (or could be trained to play) an instrument and join this band. And then go get Adam Foote since he appears to be not doing a hell of a lot this season with the Avs. Think of the possibilties for that always difficult second album.
ReplyDeleteIf you took a page from that funny looking murderer, and wanted to go for a wall of sound, then adding even more musicians would be wise.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking Colby Armstrong, David Legwand, and .... wait for it .... Grant Clitsome.
Good ones all. I may be starting to stretch a bit with these but we probably should not exclude David Backes, Johan Backlund, Mikael Backlund, Christian Backman, Nicklas Backstrom, and yes even Niklas Backstrom. Consider it a warped version of the Backstreet Boys.
ReplyDeleteI see what you did there .... stretch .... back .... nice.
ReplyDeleteOf course, the band would need to be managed by none other than Jim Balls-Silly.
Okay, where's the delete button? This much cheese is too much, even for me.
Are you guys able to view the Ralph Bakshi video for the Pat Benatar song? Even though it has less nudity than a typical Bakshi movie, YouTube decided to rate it R and force you to open an account to see it.
ReplyDelete