Friday, April 16, 2010

My Enormous Crystal Balls: 2009-10 NHL Results



By Spezzal Teams Playa


You may recall that back in September, the Guru and I made some predictions about the NHL season that recently ended. I even went as far as to predict the outcomes for each projected playoff series, though none of those matchups ever materialized (score me 0-for-8 on those types of predictions, so far).

I realize that this would have been more timely about two weeks ago, but I wanted it on record that I finally managed to out-guess the Guru.

So anyway, I began our little roundtable discussion by trotting out the tired old method of predicting the exact order of the standings, then Hockey Guru fired back with his own unique brand of prognostication, the patented Guru's Giv'er 800% method, which assigns percentages to each team's chances of reaching the playoffs. I did a much better job of explaining the details in this year's baseball edition, but basically you accept the certainty that eight teams will advance, then redistribute those probabilities (8 X 100%) among the entire Conference or league, as it were. The end result usually grants some chance to every team, with the "locks" receiving less than 100% apiece.

Anyway, here were my picks last Fall:


Spezzal Teams Playa


Eastern Conference

1. Montreal
2. Pittsburgh
3. Washington
4. New York Rangers
5. Boston
6. Ottawa
7. Carolina
8. Philadelphia
9. New Jersey
10. Buffalo
11. Toronto
12. Tampa Bay
13. New York Islanders
14. Atlanta
15. Florida


Western Conference

1. San Jose
2. Chicago
3. Calgary
4. Detroit
5. Anaheim
6. Vancouver
7. Minnesota
8. Los Angeles
9. Nashville
10. Dallas
11. Columbus
12. St. Louis
13. Edmonton
14. Phoenix
15. Colorado


As you can see, I nailed it when it came to thinking that the Bolts and Isles would finish 12-13, as well as the equally bold prediction of Division titles for the Sharks and Hawks. But aside from my 4-for-30 results that were propped up by those obvious choices, how well did I do overall?



  • 11-for-16 on playoff teams (missed Buf, NJ, Cld, Nas, Phx)
  • 3-for-6 on Division winners (missed Buf, NJ, Vcr)
  • predicted NJ would be the 14th team to hit the links (turns out they were the 15th)
  • predicted Edm and Fla among the lottery teams (duh)
  • predicted that NJ would make way for Otw to return to the playoffs (turns out it was Car and NYR who opened up the two spots for the Sens and Sabres to get back in)
  • predicted Cls and StL would make way for LA and Min to return to the playoffs (turns out I was less than half-right as Min missed again, giving the second spot to Phx, while Anh also dropped out so that Cld could pretend that they were a good team)


In other words, when you're right 51% of the time .... you know the rest. So now let's check in on the Guru's results and draw some more random conclusions.



Hockey Guru


Eastern Conference

Philadelphia Flyers: 100%
Pittsburgh Penguins: 99%
Washington Capitals: 98%
Boston Bruins: 80%
Tampa Bay Lightning: 52%
Florida Panthers: 51%
New Jersey Devils: 47%
Buffalo Sabres: 45%
Carolina Hurricanes: 44%
New York Rangers: 39%
Toronto Maple Leafs: 38%
Ottawa Senators: 35%
Atlanta Thrashers: 27%
Montreal Canadiens: 25%
New York Islanders: 20%


Western Conference

San Jose Sharks 100%
Detroit Red Wings 99%
Vancouver Canucks: 95%
Chicago Blackhawks: 90%
Calgary Flames: 85%
Anaheim Ducks: 70%
Columbus Bluejackets: 60%
St. Louis Blues: 56%
Los Angeles Kings: 40%
Phoenix Coyotes: 33%
Minnesota Wild: 26%
Edmonton Oilers: 25%
Nashville Predators: 16%
Dallas Stars: 5%
Colorado Avalanche: 0%


So what can we say about these picks? How about that leaving the Avs completely off the grid was completely symbolic of how every single pundit treated Colorado's chances, last summer. They ended up being recorded as Guru's "No-chance-in-Hell" pick, at 0%, but truth be told, I think he just forgot about them. Had he given them even a 1% chance, he'd now be able to squeeze a small morsel of food past his size-12 boot. Since he didn't, we can all point and laugh as he tries to explain himself with his foot ankle-deep into his mouth. (And this from a guy who, just three paragraphs ago, admitted to also picking the Avs to finish 15th in the West).

Avs gaffe aside, let's take a look at what the Guru managed to get right.



  • 10-for-16 on playoff teams (missed Mtl, Otw, Cld, LA, Nas, Phx)
  • 3-for-6 on Division winners (missed Buf, NJ, Chi)
  • predicted Edm and NYI among the lottery teams (duh)
  • predicted that Car, Mtl and NYR would drop out of the playoffs to make room for Buf, Fla and TB (correctly naming both teams to drop out of this year's playoffs plus one of the two replacements)
  • guaranteed success for Phi and SJ, as well as basically guaranteeing playoff appearances for Det, Pit, Wsh, Vcr and Chi (came down to the wire in Philly)
  • guaranteed failure by Dallas when many pegged them for the post-season (Dal may have actually still ranked last had the Guru included Cld in his calculations)


As alluded to earlier, I made my playoff picks last Summer as well. Suffice it to say, none of the 8 series currently underway matched up against my bracket. I will say again, however, that I predicted that Round 2 would be contested by Phi, Chi, SJ and Vcr. Naming four of the Elite Eight before training camp 8 months earlier has got to be a good score, no?

Anyway, I go on to put Phi, Chi and Vcr in the Conference Finals, with the 'Hawks winning it all, so I'll revisit this again in a month to brag about that some more.



Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Sports Talk Playoff Pool: NHL 2010 Rosters



By Spezzal Teams Playa

Well it's that time of year again. Hopefully I can gut it out long enough to be still posting these things in June, unlike last year's pool, which had a shelf life shorter than the 2009 Habs' season. No, this year's pool will run well past Memorial Day, just like the 2010 Habs' season.

I'm glad that we decided to forego the H2H format because we fell short of last year's 8-team mark. With only six of us playing this year, we'd have had to go with some kinda bye-week or advance a series loser or some shit, but by just playing a Fantasy Points (FP) format, we avoid that whole mess. The actual FPs in question? You'll recall that we settled on the uber-simple:


  • Point Scored = 1 FP
  • Game-Winning Goal = 1 FP
  • Goaltender Win = 1 FP
  • Goaltender Shutout = 1 FP

So sit back and enjoy the next two months of hockey and check in here from time to time for updates on your team's progress. I can't stand the Blogger™ glitch that makes creating tables so annoying, so don't expect no kinda daily reports or nuthin', but we'll aim for weekly and probably settle for bi-weekly as I grow lazier. And to save me from displaying the following rosters with accompanying stats, I'll skip the table and just list everyone's picks.



Colt 45 Malt Liquor

C - Crosby, Pit
C - Stastny, Cld
C - Marleau, SJ
C - Backstrom, Wsh

LW - Kovalchuk, NJ
LW - Ovechkin, Wsh
LW - D. Sedin, Vcr
LW - Cammalleri, Mtl

RW - Alfredsson, Otw
RW - Kane, Chi
RW - Doan, Phx
RW - Brown, LA

D - Pronger, Phi
D - Chara, Bos
D - Keith, Chi
D - Green, Wsh
D - Myers, Buf
D - Weber, Nas

G - Brodeur, NJ
G - Howard, Det


Franconia Wombats

C - Marleau, SJ
C - Crosby, Pit
C - H. Sedin, Vcr
C - Stastny, Cld

LW - Ovechkin, Wsh
LW - Parise, NJ
LW - Zetterberg, Det
LW - Heatley, SJ

RW - Kovalev, Otw
RW - Gionta, Mtl
RW - Doan, Phx
RW - Kane, Chi

D - Pronger, Phi
D - Chara, Bos
D - Doughty, LA
D - Weber, Nas
D - Boyle, SJ
D - Green, Wsh

G - Miller, Buf
G - Brodeur, NJ


Hell Lions

C - Crosby, Pit
C - Spezza, Otw
C - Datsyuk, Det
C - Malkin, Pit
Irie
LW - Ovechkin, Wsh
LW - Parise, NJ
LW - Heatley, SJ
LW - Burrows, Vcr

RW - Gionta, Mtl
RW - Brown, LA
RW - Doan, Phx
RW - Hossa, Chi

D - Pronger, Phi
D - Chara, Bos
D - Keith, Chi
D - Weber, Nas
D - Quincey, Cld
D - Boyle, SJ

G - Miller, Buf
G - Luongo, Vcr


Muff Divers

C - Datsyuk, Det
C - Crosby, Pit
C - Backstrom, Was
C - Stastny, Cld

LW - Ovechkin, Was
LW - Heatley, SJ
LW - Vanek, Buf
LW - Kovalchuk, NJ

RW - Alfredsson, Otw
RW - Kane, Chi
RW - Briere, Phi
RW - Brown, LA

D - Green, Was
D - Chara, Bos
D - Weber, Nas
D - Markov, Mon
D - Boyle, SJ
D - Yandle, Phx

G - Miller, Buf
G - Luongo, Vcr


Stittsville Two-Phors

C - Backstrom, Wsh
C - Thornton, SJ
C - H. Sedin, Vcr
C - Crosby, Pit

LW - Ovechkin, Wsh
LW - Marleau, SJ
LW - Kovalchuk, NJ
LW - Wolski, Phx

RW - Semin, Wsh
RW - Kane, Chi
RW - Alfredsson, Otw
RW - Franzen, Det

D - Green, Wsh
D - Myers, Buf
D - Markov, Mtl
D - Pronger, Phi
D - Doughty, LA
D - Weber, Nas

G - Rask, Bos
G - Anderson, Cld


Sunnyvale Shithawks

C - Crosby, Pit
C - Toews, Chi
C - H. Sedin, Vcr
C - Duchene, Cld

LW - Ovechkin, Wsh
LW - Parise, NJ
LW - Zetterberg, Det
LW - Kovalchuk, NJ

RW - Alfredsson, Otw
RW - Gionta, Mtl
RW - Stempniak, Phx
RW - Kane, Chi

D - Pronger, Phi
D - Chara, Bos
D - Boyle, SJ
D - Weber, Nas
D - Doughty, LA
D - Green, Wsh

G - Miller, Buf
G - Fleury, Pit



The Top Ten List: Drew Barrymore Performances



By Chris Barrymore


[Disclaimer: While some of the movies here are just plain bad (Full Throttle), most are okay to good, and in a few cases, very good. Disregarding the quality of the films themselves, all of these contain what I feel are some of Drew Barrymore’s finest moments on screen, for one reason or another.]

I should also mention, for legal purposes, that I am not a Barrymore stalker. I am happily married with 2 young sons, and am not going to leave my wife to pursue Drew Barrymore all around the globe in hopes of a chance meeting that turns into a blissful and glitzy Hollywood lifestyle for both of us (instead of just her). However, if Drew Barrymore showed up on my doorstep and asked me to do that, then all bets are off.

Although I was able to narrow down these selections enough to choose the number one performance (Charlie’s Angels), I could not bring myself to rank the other nine films, so once again I present to you The Top Ten List of Drew Barrymore films and/or movie moments, in chronological order:



Bad Girls (1994) co-starring Madeleine Stowe, Mary Stuart Masterson, Andie MacDowell - Set in Colorado during the Wild West era, the plot follows four former prostitutes on the run following a justifiable homicide and a prison escape, who later encounter difficulties involving bank robbery and Pinkerton detectives. Makes me wish I was born 100 years earlier and living in Colorado.






Scream (1996) co-starring Neve Campbell, Skeet Ulrich, Courteney Cox, Rose McGowan, David Arquette - Drew's part only lasts a few minutes in the opening scene, but a shocking and stunning end. Poor Drew.






The Wedding Singer (1998) co-starring Adam Sandler - Since the last List contained so many Roger Ebert reviews, I thought I'd toss in some Leonard Klady for a little Variety: "Barrymore also covers new ground as a light comic actress, making the most of the opportunity to play a vulnerable and appealing character."






Never Been Kissed (1999) co-starring David Arquette - Hey, whaddya know? Friend of the blog, Roger Ebert, showed up after all and had this to say: "Never Been Kissed is not deep or sophisticated, but it's funny and big-hearted and it wins us over. The credit goes to Barrymore. In this movie and Ever After (and in The Wedding Singer, where I liked her a lot more than the movie), she emerges as a real star. An actor whose personality and charisma are the real subject of the story. Never Been Kissed ends in a scene that, in any other movie, I would have hooted at. Without revealing it, I'll identify it as the five-minute wait. This scene is so contrived and artificial, it could be subtitled Shameless Audience Manipulation. But you know what? Because the wait involved Barrymore, I actually cared. Yes, I did."






Charlie’s Angels (2000) co-starring Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, Bill Murray, Crispin Glover, Matt LeBlanc - Good, all around wholesome entertainment. The best Barrymore scene has got to be when the Angels are at the race track and she’s got to distract the driver while Lucy Liu breaks into the trunk. Although a clip with the actual dialogue from the film would probably better illustrate the point, this clip is fine by me:






Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (2003) co-starring Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, Bernie Mack, Crispin Glover, Matt LeBlanc, Demi Moore – I remember this as a pretty bad movie and missing many of the elements that made the first one so enjoyable. But it still makes The Top Ten List.






50 First Dates (2004) co-starring Adam Sandler - Ebert reminds us that Adam Sandler's career arc is mimicking Bill Murray's, from slapstick clown to leading man: "The movie doesn't have the complexity and depth of Groundhog Day (which I recently saw described as 'the most spiritual film of our time'), but as entertainment it's ingratiating and lovable."






My Date With Drew (2004) co-starring Brian Herzlinger - The guy in this movie has serious issues with his Drew Barrymore obsession. He needs help.






Music and Lyrics (2007) co-starring Hugh Grant - Ebert's partner (now former?), Richard Roeper, said this: "It’s more fun than a Spandau Ballet/Tears for Fears concert circa 1985, and I mean that in a good way."






Whip It (2009) directed by Drew Barrymore co-starring Ellen Page – Drew Barrymore as a tough and rugged Rollergirl? Believe it.





Yes, I know she was in E.T. also, and that it was her first major role and everyone remembers that movie. I was going to include E.T. (1982) in this list, but given the nature of the list and the fact that Drew Barrymore was only 7 at the time, it just seemed too wrong and too creepy to include it with the others. It would have been out of place, and is therefore excluded.



Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Top Ten List: Films About America's Pastime



By Chris Barrymore


As I am admittedly a bit more out of my element with anything other than fantasy hockey, at least from a statistical and/or historical aspect of the sport, I hesitate to comment on the All-Time Teams series or some of the other player-to-player comparisons on this blog. While they do make for interesting reading, I am simply not qualified to strongly agree or disagree.

At the same time, I strive to be an active member of the posting community, and I hereby offer a more pop culture themed Top Ten List.

There are likely some obvious films I have missed, or perhaps some older classics that I haven't gotten around to seeing yet, but off the top of my head, these are the baseball films I remember best, and therefore they make my top 10 list. Hit me up in the Comments section with some of your favs that didn't make my List.

I present them to you in chronological, rather than the traditional numerical order:

----------------------------------

The Bad News Bears (1976) starring Walter Matthau, Tatum O'Neil, Vic Morrow

A slim, pimply-faced teenager named Roger Ebert said this at the time, "Director Michael Ritchie has made a specialty of movies about competition. Downhill Racer, about Olympic ski champions, was his first film, and he also made The Candidate, about a political race, and last year's Smile, about a beauty contest. They're all three very good films - but The Bad News Bears is, in a way, his most harrowing portrait of how we'd sometimes rather win than keep our self-respect. He directs scenes for comedy even in the face of his disturbing material and that makes the movie all the more effective; sometimes we laugh, and sometimes we can't, and the movie's working best when we're silent."






The Natural (1984) starring Robert Redford, Glenn Close, Kim Basinger

This was filmed mostly in Buffalo, where I was living at the time. It was a big deal since Buffalo rarely gets any Hollywood attention.






Brewster's Millions (1985) starring Richard Pryor, John Candy

Not entirely a baseball movie, but Richard Pryor was one of the funniest guys around. Toss in John Candy and you can't go wrong.






Bull Durham (1988) starring Kevin Costner, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins

A somewhat younger and slightly less fat Roger Ebert than you're used to seeing today said, "Bull Durham is a treasure of a movie because it knows so much about baseball and so little about love. The movie is a completely unrealistic romantic fantasy, and in the real world the delicate little balancing act of these three people would crash into pieces. But this is a movie, and so we want to believe in love, and we want to believe that once in a while lovers can get a break from fate. That's why the movie's ending is so perfect. Not because it seems just right, but because it seems wildly impossible, and we want to believe it anyway."






Eight Men Out (1988) starring John Cusack, Charlie Sheen, D.B. Sweeney

Ebert's old partner Gene Siskel, who nobody had ahead of Roger in the death pools of the day, had this to say, "Eight Men Out is fascinating if you are a baseball nut ... The portrayal of the recruiting of the ball players and the tight fisted rule of Comiskey is fascinating ... Thumbs up!"






Major League (1989) starring Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen, Corbin Bernsen

The fine folks over at Variety had this to say, "Major League lacks the subtlety of Bull Durham or the drama of Eight Men Out, but for sheer crowd-pleasing fun it belts one high into the left-field bleachers."






Field of Dreams (1989) starring Kevin Costner, Ray Liota, James Earl Jones

Now that Ebert has gotten a little older, a little wiser, a little greyer and let's just say heftier, has his man-crush on Costner waned at all? Nope: "As Field of Dreams developed ... I found myself being willingly drawn into it. Movies are often so timid these days, so afraid to take flights of the imagination, that there is something grand and brave about a movie where a voice tells a farmer to build a baseball diamond so that Shoeless Joe Jackson can materialize out of the cornfield and hit a few fly balls. This is the kind of movie Frank Capra might have directed, and James Stewart might have starred in - a movie about dreams."






A League of Their Own (1992) starring Tom Hanks, Geena Davis, Madonna, Jon Lovitz, Rosie O'Donnell

Because there really is no crying in baseball. Or fantasy baseball. Right Commish?






The Sandlot (1993) starring James Earl Jones, Denis Leary, a bunch of kids you never heard of

Now looking less and less like a white Cecil Fielder, and more and more like a white dude who just ATE Cecil Fielder, our friend Mr. Ebert had this to say, "If you have ever been lucky enough to see A Christmas Story, you will understand what I mean when I say The Sandlot is a summertime version of the same vision ... Neither movie has any connection with the humdrum reality of the boring real world; both tap directly into a vein of nostalgia and memory that makes reality seem puny by comparison."






Fever Pitch (2005) starring Drew Barrymore and a bunch of less attractive people

This one gets a free pass into the Top Ten because Drew Barrymore is in it. Not much of a Jimmy Fallon fan, but I would watch Barrymore do a mime act in the shoe section of Target if that's what her career leads her to.







Sunday, April 11, 2010

The All-Time Teams: Yooooour Boston Red Sox



By Will-He-M


LINEUP

C- Carlton Fisk- 1078 GP, 3860 AB, 627 R, 1097 H, 207 D, 33 T, 162 HR, 568 RBI, 61 SB, .284/.356/.481/.837

1B- Mo Vaughn- 1046 GP, 3828 AB, 628 R, 1165 H, 199 D, 10 T, 230 HR, 752 RBI, 28 SB, .304/.394/.542/.936

2B- Bobby Doerr- 1865 GP, 7093 AB, 1094 R, 2042 H, 381 D, 89 T, 223 HR, 1247 RBI, 54 SB, .288/.357/.461/.818

3B- Wade Boggs- 1625 GP, 6213 AB, 1067 R, 2098 H, 422 D, 47 T, 85 HR, 687 RBI, 16 SB, .338/.428/.462/.890

SS- Joe Cronin- 1134 GP, 3892 AB, 645 R, 1168 H, 270 D, 44 T, 119 HR, 737 RBI, 31 SB, .300/.386/.484/.870

LF- Carl Yastrzemski- 3308 GP, 11988 AB, 1816 R, 3419 H, 646 D, 59 T, 452 HR, 1844 RBI, 168 SB, .285/.379/.462/.841

CF- Tris Speaker- 1065 GP, 3935 AB, 704 R, 1327 H, 241 D, 106 T, 39 HR, 542 RBI, 267 SB, .337/.405/.482/.887

RF- Dwight Evans- 2505 GP, 8726 AB, 1435 R, 2373 H, 474 D, 72 T, 379 HR, 1346 RBI, 76 SB, .272/.369/.473/.842

DH- Ted Williams- 2292 GP, 7706 AB, 1798 R, 2654 H, 525 D, 71 T, 521 HR, 1839 RBI, 24 SB, .344/.482/.634/1.116


BENCH

C Jason Varitek
2B/SS/3B Billy Goodman
LF/RF Jim Rice
CF Dom DiMaggio


ROTATION

1. Roger Clemens- 382 GS, 192-111, 3.06 ERA, 100 CG, 38 SHO, 2776.0 IP, 856 BB, 2590 K
2. Pedro Martinez- 201 GS, 117-37, 2.52 ERA, 22 CG, 8 SHO, 1383.2 IP, 309 BB, 1683 K

3. Cy Young- 297 GS, 192-112, 2.00 ERA, 275 CG, 38 SHO, 2728.1 IP, 299 BB, 1341 K

4. Smokey Joe Wood- 157 GS, 117-56, 1.99 ERA, 121 CG, 28 SHO, 1416.0 IP, 412 BB, 986 K
5. Luis Tiant- 238 GS, 122-81, 3.36 ERA, 113 CG, 26 SHO, 1774.2 IP, 501 BB, 1075 K


BULLPEN

CL- Jonathan Papelbon- 270 GP, 14-12, 1.89 ERA, 152 SVS, 300.1 IP, 79 BB, 347 K

SU- Dick Radatz- 286 GP, 49-34, 2.65 ERA, 104 SVS, 557.1 IP, 213 BB, 627 K
SU- Bob Stanley- 637 GP, 115-97, 3.64 ERA, 132 SVS, 1707.0 IP, 471 BB, 693 K

MR- Sparky Lyle- 260 GP, 22-17, 2.85 ERA, 69 SVS, 331.1 IP, 133 BB, 275 K
MR- Derek Lowe- 384 GP, 70-55, 3.72 ERA, 85 SVS, 1037.0 IP, 312 BB, 673 K

LR- Mike Timlin- 394 GP, 30-22, 3.76 ERA, 27 SVS, 409.0 IP, 98 BB, 273 K
LR- Ellis Kinder- 365 GP, 86-52, 3.28 ERA, 91 SVS, 1142.1 IP, 403 BB, 557 K



Thursday, April 8, 2010

The All-Time Teams: Yooooour Baltimore Orioles



By Will-He-M



LINEUP

C- Chris Hoiles- 894 GP, 2820 AB, 415 R, 739 H, 122 D, 2 T, 151 HR, 449 RBI, 5 SB, .262/.366/.467/.833

1B- George Sisler- 1647 GP, 6667 AB, 1091 R, 2295 H, 343 D, 145 T, 93 HR, 959 RBI, 351 SB, .344/.374/.481/.855

2B- Brian Roberts- 1134 GP, 4490 AB, 729 R, 1274 H, 318 D, 33 T, 77 HR, 443 RBI, 256 SB, .284/.356/.421/.777

3B- Brooks Robinson- 2896 GP, 10654 AB, 1232 R, 2848 H, 482 D, 58 T, 268 HR, 1357 RBI, 28 SB, .267/.322/.401/.723

SS- Cal Ripken Jr.- 3001 GP, 11551 AB, 1647 R, 3184 H, 603 D, 44 T, 431 HR, 1695 RBI, 36 SB, .276/.340/.447/.787

LF- Ken Williams- 1109 GP, 4015 AB, 757 R, 1308 H, 236 D, 70 T, 185 HR, 808 RBI, 144 SB, .326/.392/.558/.950

CF- Brady Anderson- 1759 GP, 6271 AB, 1044 R, 1614 H, 329 D, 64 T, 209 HR, 744 RBI, 307 SB, .257/.364/.430/.794

RF- Ken Singleton- 1446 GP, 5115 AB, 684 R, 1455 H, 235 D, 19 T, 182 HR, 766 RBI, 8 SB, .284/.388/.445/.833

DH- 1B Eddie Murray- 1884 GP, 7075 AB, 1084 R, 2080 H, 363 D, 25 T, 343 HR, 1224 RBI, 62 SB, .294/.370/.498/.868


BENCH

C Hank Severeid
2B Ski Melillo
1B Boog Powell
RF Jack Tobin


ROTATION

1. Jim Palmer- 521 GS, 268-152, 2.86 ERA, 211 CG, 53 SHO, 3948.0 IP, 1311 BB, 2212 K
2. Mike Mussina- 288 GS, 147-81, 3.53 ERA, 45 CG, 15 SHO, 2009.2 IP, 467 BB, 1535 K
3. Dave McNally- 384 GS, 181-113, 3.18 ERA, 120 CG, 33 SHO, 2652.2 IP, 790 BB, 1476 K
4. Mike Cuellar- 283 GS, 143-88, 3.18 ERA, 133 CG, 30 SHO, 2028.1 IP, 601 BB, 1011 K
5. Mike Flanagan- 328 GS, 141-116, 3.89 ERA, 98 CG, 17 SHO, 2317.2 IP, 740 BB, 1297 K


BULLPEN

CL- Gregg Olson- 320 GP, 17-21, 2.26 ERA, 160 SVS, 350.1 IP, 158 BB, 347 K

SU- Stu Miller- 297 GP, 38-36, 2.37 ERA, 100 SVS, 502.0 IP, 177 BB, 432 K
SU- B.J. Ryan- 404 GP, 16-19, 3.54 ERA, 42 SVS, 379.1 IP, 194 BB, 464 K

MR- Randy Myers- 123 GP, 6-7, 2.51 ERA, 76 SVS, 118.1 IP, 51 BB, 130 K
MR- Tippy Martinez- 499 GP, 52-40, 3.46 ERA, 106 SVS, 752.1 IP, 366 BB, 585 K

LR- Dick Hall- 342 GP, 65-40, 2.89 ERA, 58 SVS, 770.0 IP, 126 BB, 499 K
LR- Eddie Watt- 363 GP, 37-34, 2.74 ERA, 74 SVS, 615.1 IP, 220 BB, 433 K



Box Score'd: The Young Season's First Sleeper Hit



By Spezzal Teams Playa

When I started doing these things a few days ago, I wondered who the first undrafted star of the day would be. Well Ronnie Belliard came close, in that he was drafted outside the Top-550 players.


PlayerPABRHHRRBISBBB
Grady SizemoreCF633
Carlos QuentinRF311132
Joe MauerC41211
Miguel Cabrera1B51414
Ronnie Belliard3B52314
Jim ThomeDH422131
Mark Ellis2B422
Willie HarrisLF3111211
- Delmon YoungPH11113
Cliff PenningtonSS42211

2B - Pennington, Pennington, Sizemore, Sizemore, Belliard, Ellis, Mauer, Thome
3B - Belliard
E - Belliard
DPT - Pennington, Pennington, Cabrera, Cabrera, Ellis


PitcherIPHBBERK
C.J. Wilson7.05209
Jesse Chavez2.00002




Box Score'd: Hard to Type With a Foot in My Mouth



By Spezzal Teams Playa

Wasn't I just dissing Orlando Cabrera last night, and the guy goes and puts up big numbers just to shut me up. Worked.


PlayerPABRHHRRBISBBB
Kelly Johnson2B323231
Orlando CabreraSS412131
Garrett JonesRF51113
Evan Longoria3B41213
Matt HollidayLF52221
Vernon WellsCF342231
Hideki MatsuiDH413
Paul Konerko1B211131
Kurt SuzukiC3221

2B - Suzuki, Suzuki, Cabrera, Longoria, Holliday, Matsui
3B -
E -
DPT - Johnson


PitcherIPHBBERK
Luke Hochevar7.25102
Chan-Ho Park (W 1-0)3.01001




Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Box Score'd: Remember When Ozzie was the Shit?



By Spezzal Teams Playa

The Commish is so old .... "How old is he?"

The Commish is so old, that when he thought of drafting a shortstop named Cabrera, he thought only of former Expos' star, Orlando. Yeah, maybe in last year's Fielding-Only League. Maybe.


PlayerPABRHHRRBISBBB
Carlos GonzalezLF5122
Torii HunterCF41313
Victor MartinezC312131
Prince Fielder1B23212
Luke ScottDH311111
Casey McGehee3B312131
Michael CuddyerRF43
Robinson Cano2B322121
Everth CabreraSS4341

2B - Cabrera, Gonzalez, Hunter, Martinez, Fielder, Cuddyer
3B - Cabrera
E -
DPT - Cano


PitcherIPHBBERK
Barry Zito (W 1-0)6.0315
Jim Johnson (HLD 1)1.01
LaTroy Hawkins (HLD 1)1.02
Jon Rauch (SV 1)1.02




Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Box Score'd: Polanco Hits Season-Opening Slam



By Spezzal Teams Playa

As a general rule, any player who hits the first grand slam of the season almost has to get mentioned in Box Score'd.


PlayerPABRHHRRBISBBB
Brandon Phillips2B411211
Placido Polanco3B51316
Casey Kotchman1B424
- Ryan ChurchPH1113
Hideki MatsuiDH41212
Vernon WellsCF41313
Yunel EscobarSS5225
Jason HeywardRF52214
Yadier MolinaC41214
Delmon YoungLF422121

2B - Escobar, Phillips, Church
3B -
E -
DPT - Kotchman, Kotchman, Kotchman, Kotchman, Escobar, Escobar, Polanco


PitcherIPHBBERK
Tim Lincecum (W 1-0)7.047
Ryan Perry (HLD 1)1.11
David Aardsma (SV 1)1.02




Monday, April 5, 2010

Box Score'd: Youkilis' Season Downhill From Here



By Spezzal Teams Playa

Did I ever tell you about when we used to choose the Most Offensive Lines™, and for some reason we only picked five winners each time?

Well, it's that time of year again, just like that bunny who lays those disgusting chocolate eggs. Tentatively re-titled Box Score'd, this regular feature will pick the best performance at each position to compile a dream boxscore of the top producers. I doubt I can keep it up every day, but for sure I can commit to weekly and monthly issues. Any of you are welcome to produce one anytime you feel like it.

Today is the oddest day on the calendar to be doing one of these, since no other day will ever feature just the one game, but hey. I wonder if today marked the game of the year for Youkilis, who had a pair of doubles and a triple. I'm sure he can top it RBI-wise and OPS-wise, but fans in Boston will remember the 2010 opener when they think back on Youkilis' year.


ABRHHRRBISBBB
Pedroia2B422131
JohnsonDH32
Beltre3B312
Youkilis1B4332
PosadaC413121
GrandersonCF411111
SwisherRF3111
GardnerLF41211
ScutaroSS31211

2B - Youkilis, Youkilis
3B - Youkilis
E - Gardner
DPT - Pedroia, Pedroia, Youkilis, Youkilis, Scutaro, Beltre


IPHBBERK
Sabathia5.16254
Schoeneweis1.01
Okajima (W 1-0)1.011
Bard (HLD 1)1.01
Papelbon (SV 1)1.01




Sunday, April 4, 2010

The All-Time Teams: Yooooour Atlanta Braves



By Will-He-M



LINEUP

C Javy Lopez- 1156 GP, 4003 AB, 508 R, 1148 H, 190 D, 14 T, 214 HR, 694 RBI, 8 SB, .287/.337/.502/.839

1B Joe Adcock- 1207 GP, 4232 AB, 564 R, 1206 H, 197 D, 22 T, 239 HR, 760 RBI, 11 SB, .285/.342/.511/.853

2B Bobby Lowe- 1410 GP, 5618 AB, 999 R, 1606 H, 186 D, 71 T, 70 HR, 872 RBI, 260 SB, .286/.343/.382/.725

3B Chipper Jones- 2166 GP, 7825 AB, 1358 R, 2406 H, 472 D, 37 T, 426 HR, 1445 RBI, 142 SB, .307.406/.541/..947

SS Herman Long- 1646 GP, 6776 AB, 1292 R, 1901 H, 295 D, 91 T, 88 HR, 964 RBI, 433 SB, .281/.336/.390/.726

LF Hank Aaron- 3076 GP, 11628 AB, 2107 R, 3600 H, 600 D, 90 T, 733 HR, 2202 RBI, 240 SB, .310/.377/.567/.944

CF Andruw Jones- 1761 GP, 6408 AB, 1045 R, 1683 H, 330 D, 34 T, 368 HR, 1117 RBI, 138 SB, .263/.342/.497/.839

RF Hugh Duffy- 1152 GP, 4656 AB, 996 R, 1544 H, 220 D, 73 T, 69 HR, 927 RBI, 331 SB, .332/.392/.455/.847


BENCH

Del Crandall- C
Fred Tenney- 1B
Eddie Matthews- 3B
Jeff Blauser- 2B/3B/SS
Dale Murphy- CF/RF


ROTATION

1. Warren Spahn- 635 GS, 356-229, 3.05 ERA, 374 CG, 63 SHO, 5046.0 IP, 1378 BB, 2493 K
2. Kid Nichols- 501 GS, 329-183, 3.00 ERA, 475 CG, 44 SHO, 4538.0 IP, 1159 BB, 1672 K
3. Tom Glavine- 518 GS, 244-147, 3.41 ERA, 52 CG, 22 SHO, 3408.0 IP, 1177 BB, 2091 K
4. Phil Niekro- 595 GS, 268-230, 3.20 ERA, 226 CG, 43 SHO, 4622.2 IP, 1458 BB, 2912 K
5. Greg Maddux- 363 GS, 194-88, 2.63 ERA, 61 CG, 21 SHO, 2526.2 IP, 383 BB, 1828 K


BULLPEN

CL- John Smoltz- 708 GP, 210-147, 3.26 ERA, 154 SVS, 3395.0 IP, 992 BB, 3011 K

SU- Gene Garber- 557 GP, 53-73, 3.34 ERA, 141 SVS, 856.0 IP, 233 BB, 540 K
SU- Mike Remlinger- 328 GP, 27-14, 2.74 ERA, 16 SVS, 321.2 IP, 132 BB, 334 K

MR- Mark Wohlers- 388 GP, 31-22, 3.73 ERA, 112 SVS, 386.1 IP, 204 BB, 437 K
MR- John Rocker- 210 GP, 8-12, 2.63 ERA, 83 SVS, 195.1 IP, 123 BB, 259 K

LR- Rick Camp- 414 GP, 56-49, 3.37 ERA, 57 SVS, 942.1 IP, 336 BB, 407 K
LR- Steve Bedrosian- 350 GP, 40-45, 3.26 ERA, 41 SVS, 696.0 IP, 311 BB, 559 K

Friday, April 2, 2010

The All-Time Teams: Yooooour Arizona Diamondbacks




By Will-He-M



LINE UP

2B Tony Womack- 629 GP, 2521 AB, 392 R, 677 H, 98 D, 37 T, 21 HR, 200 RBI, 182 SB, .269/.314/.362/.678
CF Steve Finley- 849 GP, 3049 AB, 491 R, 847 H, 150 D, 34 T, 153 HR, 479 RBI, 70 SB, .278/.351/.500/.851
LF Luis Gonzalez- 1194 GP, 4488 AB, 780 R, 1337 H, 310 D, 27 T, 224 HR, 774 RBI, 32 SB, .297/.391/.529/.920
3B Matt Williams- 595 GP, 2265 AB, 317 R, 629 H, 127 D, 7 T, 99 HR, 381 RBI, 12 SB, .279/.327/.471/.798
SS Jay Bell- 616 GP, 2180 AB, 360 R, 573 H, 116 D, 18 T, 91 HR, 304 RBI, 17 SB, .263/.355/.458/.813
RF Danny Bautista- 456 GP, 1461 AB, 186 R, 432 H, 75 D, 15 T, 33 HR, 197 RBI, 21 SB, .296/.344/.435/.779
1B Conor Jackson- 484 GP, 1624 AB, 234 R, 456 H, 93 D, 8 T, 45 HR, 236 RBI, 18 SB, .281/.361/.431/.792
C Damian Miller- 467 GP, 1465 AB, 180 R, 394 H, 98 D, 2 T, 48 HR, 194 RBI, 3 SB, .269/.336/.437/.773


BENCH

Chris Snyder- C
Chad Tracy- 1B/3B
Craig Counsell- UTIL
Eric Byrnes- OF
Chris Young- OF


ROTATION

1. Randy Johnson- 232 GS, 118-62, 2.83 ERA, 38 CG, 14 SHO, 1630.1 IP, 416 BB, 2077 K
2. Brandon Webb- 198 GS, 87-62, 3.27 ERA, 15 CG, 8 SHO, 1319.2 IP, 435 BB, 1065 K
3. Curt Schilling- 107 GS, 58-28, 3.14 ERA, 18 CG, 5 SHO, 781.2 IP, 117 BB, 875 K
4. Miguel Batista- 109 GS, 40-34, 3.99 ERA, 6 CG, 2 SHO, 723.2 IP, 274 BB, 454 K
5. Brian Anderson- 129 GS, 41-42, 4.52 ERA, 7 CG, 2 SHO, 840.2 IP, 153 BB, 410 K


BULLPEN

CL- Jose Valverde- 253 GP, 9-14, 3.29 ERA, 98 SVS, 260.0 IP, 111 BB, 331 K

SU- Byung-Hyun Kim- 245 GP, 21-23, 3.43 ERA, 70 SVS, 325.2 IP, 153 BB, 383 K
SU- Matt Mantei- 178 GP, 8-11, 4.04 ERA, 74 SVS, 173.2 IP, 94 BB, 221 K

MR- Chad Qualls- 128 GP, 6-10, 3.15 ERA, 33 SVS, 125.2 IP, 25 BB, 116 K
MR- Greg Swindell- 225 GP, 8-14, 3.76 ERA, 4 SVS, 227.1 IP, 54 BB, 180 K

LR- Gregg Olson- 125 GP, 12-9, 3.34 ERA, 44 SVS, 129.1 IP, 50 BB, 100 K
LR- Mike Koplove- 217 GP, 15-7, 3.76 ERA, 2 SVS, 248.2 IP, 101 BB, 171 K

The STP-Grand Sportsbook and Casino: Week 1

I once dropped $150 here in well under an hour

By Spezzal Teams Playa

Some of you guys might remember that thing we did in the football league where we'd try to predict the outcomes of each of the ten Weekly Matchups.

I thought, why not do that, only make it better by using point spreads. You know, since baseball is all about the point spreads and football isn't. Anyway, I'll serve as the oddsmaker and essentially, the "house" ....

"Road House!"


And you guys can bet whatever games you feel like betting, and at the end of the season, I'll send a couple guys down to Stockton, CA or up to Deadwood, SD or wherever and we'll square things up then. Kay?

So here's the game. All bets wagered at the STP-Grand Sportsbook and Casino shall be placed in denominations of one STerling Pound (£1) and all winning bets pay 2-to-1. Bets should be placed via the Comments section, before the first game of the Matchup. (I realize that I should have posted this earlier, but I just thought of it).

UnderdogFavourite
Sluggin' Bastards (+8.5)vs.Fowl Play (-8.5)
Dakota Magic (+8.5)vs.Isle Wynn (-8.5)
Oregon Lightning Bolts (+7.5)vs.Hell Lions (-7.5)
Koo Koo Roos (+7.5)vs.Muff Divers (-7.5)
Dallas All-Stars (+6.5)vs.St.Louis Redbirds (-6.5)
Stittsville Two-Phors (+6.5)vs.Fat City Monkey Butt (-6.5)
El Paso 89ers (+5.5)vs.Franconia Wombats (-5.5)
Deadwood Demons (+5.5)vs.Colt 45 Malt Liquor (-5.5)
Chesapeake Abyss (+4.5)vs.Perrysburg Pain (-4.5)
Sunnyvale Shithawks (+4.5)vs.CT Defenders (-4.5)

So for example, if my shoe-in of the week, Fowl Play, were to win his Matchup against the Bastards by a score of only 18-10 or 17-9 or something, he would not have covered an 8.5-point spread. Fuhgettabout it. Now let's try to get them there picks in on time, otherwise I don't want for this thing here to get all physical-like, capice?



Souvenir Game Program: Baseball League 2010



By Spezzal Teams Playa

Welcome, everybody. Please take your name tag and sign the guest book. The punch table is over there, and the buffet is along the back wall. I hope you all have fun and get to know your neighbours.

I have listed everyone in order of their seniority within the Sports Talk Pool. You'll note that while many faces are new from last year's baseball league, that only one of us has yet to complete at least one STP season.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stittsville Two-Phors

manager: Spezzal Teams Playa

email: spezzalteamsplaya@gmail.com

aliases: Nepean Hotspurs, Tito "TD" O'Dell

location: Ottawa, Ontario

Baseball (2009) – 11th-place
Baseball (2009 fielding-only) - 2nd-place

Basketball (2010) – 10th-place
Basketball (2009) – Outgoing Champion

Football (2009) – 14th-place
Football (2008) – 10th-place

Hockey (2010) – 10th-place
Hockey (2009) – 4th-place
Hockey (2008) – 9th-place

Hockey (2010 shallow) – 3rd-place (starting Semis)
Hockey (2010 forwards-only) – 2nd-place (starting Semis)


Sunnyvale Shithawks

manager: Will-He-M

email: habs_rock_100@hotmail.com

aliases: Toronto Euros, Centennial Year, The Franchise

location: London, Ontario

Baseball (2009) – 8th-place

Basketball (2010) – 5th-place (starting consolation bracket)

Football (2009) – 6th-place

Hockey (2010) – 5th-place (starting consolation bracket)
Hockey (2009) – 8th-place
Hockey (2008) – 6th-place


Hell Lions
Irie
manager: Minnesota Chris

email: cjk863@yahoo.com

aliases: Minnesota Sham Flunkers, Minnesota Frostbite, Minnesota Snot Bombs, Thorns In Your Side

location: St.Paul, Minnesota

Baseball (2009) – 12th-place

Basketball (2010) – 1st-place (starting Semis)

Football (2009) – 17th-place

Hockey (2010) – 2nd-place (starting Semis)
Hockey (2009) – 3rd-place
Hockey (2008) – 10th-place


Sluggin’ Bastards

manager: Yatagon Dan

email: yatagon@hotmail.com

aliases: Frozen Bastards, Rat Bastards, Evil Baldmen

location: New York, New York

Hockey (2010) – 4th-place (starting Semis)

Football (2009) – 12th-place
Football (2008) – 2nd-place


Muff Divers

manager: Hockey Guru

email: cbsbaseball2002@yahoo.com

aliases: Clubhouse Chemistry, Cherry Blasts, Memphis Guruzzlies, Shock Hockey, Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em

location: Worcester, Massachusetts

Baseball (2009) – 10th-place

Football (2009) – 9th-place

Hockey (2010) – 6th-place (starting consolation bracket)
Hockey (2009) – 5th-place

Hockey (2010 forwards-only) – 1st-place (starting Semis)
Hockey (2010 shallow) – 1st-place (starting Semis)


Dakota Magic

manager: Dakota Steve

email: hills@sstel.net

aliases: Eastside Slammers, Hills City Falcons

location: Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Baseball (2009) – Defending League Champion

Football (2009) – 11th-place

Basketball (2010) – 19th-place
Basketball (2009) – 7th-place


Chesapeake Abyss

manager: Astropolis Tom

email: astropolisfantasy@yahoo.com

aliases: Tic Tic Boom, Chesbay Juggernaughts

location: Virginia Beach, Virginia

Baseball (2009) – 3rd-place

Football (2009) – 4th-place

Basketball (2010) – 14th-place
Basketball (2009) – 2nd-place


STL Birdmen

manager: Bill Bradski

email: intothesun8@yahoo.com

aliases: Billy Stevens, STL Spirit, STL Young Guns

location: St.Louis, Missouri

Baseball (2009) – 5th-place

Basketball (2010) – 20th-place

Hockey (2010) – 14th-place

Football (2009) – 2nd-place


CT Defenders

manager: Moonlighter Mark

email: pmoonlighter24@yahoo.com

aliases: CT Blue Devils, CT Oak Leafs, CT Darkstar Dragons

location: Norwich, Connecticut

Baseball (2009) – 9th-place

Basketball (2010) – 12th-place

Hockey (2010) – 8th-place (starting consolation bracket)

Football (2009) – 8th-place


Fowl Play

manager: Fast Willie

email: fastwillie.parker@yahoo.com

alias: Manoa Morays

location: Manoa, Hawaii

Baseball (2009) – 6th-place

Hockey (2010) – 7th-place (starting consolation bracket)

Football (2009) – 10th-place


Perrysburg Pain

manager: Big Storm

email: lonnitschke@hotmail.com

aliases: Perrysburg Phungus, Perrysburg Polar Bears

location: Perrysburg, Ohio

Baseball (2009) – 16th-place

Hockey (2010) – 18th-place


KooKoo

manager: BouchardKen

email: bouchardken73@yahoo.com

alias: Good Tryers

location: Los Angeles, California

Baseball (2009 fielding-only) – 6th-place


El Paso Jackasses

manager: Paul Mirror

email: ezdickpimpshit@yahoo.com

aliases: El Paso Marlboros, El Paso Lizard Brothers

location: Colorado Springs, Colorado

Hockey (2010) – 9th-place

Football (2009) – 5th-place


Isle Wynn

manager: Gary “Ace” Ventura

email: aventuraexisle@yahoo.com

alias: Ex-Isles

location: Las Vegas, Nevada

Hockey (2010) – 3rd-place (starting Semis)


Franconia Wombats

manager: Dave Hoops

email: dhoops@charter.net

location: Duluth, Minnesota

Hockey (2010 forwards-only) – 4th-place (starting Semis)


Golden Carp

manager: Mister McG

email: jerroldmcgrath@yahoo.com

location: Banff, Alberta

Basketball (2010) – 4th-place (starting Semis)


Colt 45 Malt Liquor

manager: Buzz74

email: aaronverklan@yahoo.com

location: Buffalo, New York

Basketball (2010) – 8th-place (starting consolation bracket)


Fat Monkey Butt

manager: Pistol Pete

email: rosario_r_81@yahoo.com

location: Stockton, California

Basketball (2010) – 9th-place


Deadwood Demons

manager: Ol’ Jim Hutton

email: hidden

alias: Texas Titans

location: Deadwood, Texas

Hockey (2010 shallow) – 9th-place


Turtle's Tit Jobs

manager: Skylar

email: schulerkirk@yahoo.com

location: Los Angeles, California



My Enormous Crystal Balls: The 2010 MLB Season



By Spezzal Teams Playa

The past four weeks since we launched this year's baseball league have been the longest, but now it's finally time to play ball.

As I've done for the past few hockey seasons, today I'll attempt to predict which baseball teams will still be playing in October. It was seven months ago that Hockey Guru and I made our last set of picks, and at that time Guru introduced what I like to call, The Patented Guru's Give'er 800% Prediction Method.

Basically how it works is, you accept the certainty that 8 teams will make the playoffs, then you re-assign the probabilities for each of those eight certainties, or 8 X 100%, to the league as a whole. So you have 800 percentage points to work with and since anyone might pull off a Tampa Bay Rays and go all the way, you disperse those 800 points among the 30 teams. Here's an example of how it works.

With the season opener set for this weekend, I encourage each of you to make your own picks in the Comments section. Here are mine:

New York Yankees - 75%
Boston Red Sox - 70%
Philadelphia Phillies - 66%
St.Louis Cardinals - 65%
Los Angeles Dodgers - 60%
Atlanta Braves - 55%
Chicago White Sox - 50%
Los Angeles Angels - 40%
Tampa Bay Rays - 38%
Chicago Cubs - 35%
Colorado Rockies - 33%
New York Mets - 30%
Detroit Tigers - 25%
Minnesota Twins - 20%
Texas Rangers - 18%
San Francisco Giants - 15%
Florida Marlins - 14%
Seattle Mariners - 13%
Milwaukee Brewers - 12%
Cincinnati Reds - 11%
Arizona Diamondbacks - 10%
Toronto Blue Jays - 9%
San Diego Padres - 8%
Houston Astros - 7%
Baltimore Orioles - 6%
Oakland Athletics - 5%
Kansas City Royals - 4%
Pittsburgh Pirates - 3%
Washington Nationals - 2%
Cleveland Indians - 1%


In other words, had the Yankees been absolutely guaranteed a bye into the playoffs, they would have been assigned 100%. As is stands, they are merely expected to make the playoffs by 3 out of 4 dentists.

Now that I have correctly predicted all eight of the playoff participants, let me fast-forward to the World Series and say that the Yankees will beat the Cardinals. Yeah. We'll go with that.