Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Top Ten List: Hockey Wives and Girlfriends



By Chris Barrymore


Assuming this works, I am honored to present my first post here (not counting all those other ones that the Commish helped me out with), as The Top Ten Hockey Wives and Girlfriends. This is where you should start ooohing and aaahing, for practice (if nothing else), at the forthcoming information.

Upon doing some additional research on this topic, I found that it was not quite as unique of an idea as I had first thought it to be. Even so, I am still going to proceed and post because, quite frankly, I've got nothing better to do at the moment.

Disclaimer #1: On the one-in-a-million chance that any one of the actual players happen upon this blog and takes offense that their past or current hotties are included here (yes, I'm talking to you, Tie Domi), please know that this is done as an act of respect and reverence. I am not asking for a beatdown of any kind. Essentially, it is one guy saying to another, "Well done, sir. Very well done".

Disclaimer #2: Because I do not have any photographs of wives, fiancees, or girlfriends who do not already have pseudo-celebrity status, this list is limited to those whose pics are easily obtained via web search. If I did have photographic evidence of the non-celebrities of this group, then I am positive the list would be completely different. I have no doubt that there are probably some true angels out there in hockeyland, and if they have to work outside the home then they may have chosen a profession that doesn't lend itself to having one's photo bouncing around all over the internet.


Without further delay, here they are. (If you have a drum, please start rolling it now)




10. Janet Jones (Wayne Gretzky) - because no Top Ten List would be complete without the Great One, we present his Janet Jones. Proof that he wasn't scoring only on the ice.






9. Emma Andersson (Henrik Zetterberg) – this Swedish television presenter, actress, and singer is currently engaged to the Red Wings center.



[Editor's Note: sorry fellas, but Hank liked it and put a ring on it over the summer.]






8. Rachel Hunter (ex-fiancee of Jarret Stoll) - perhaps the Queen of the Cougars, Hunter (41) and Stoll (28) were engaged up until the point when Stoll emailed the wedding guests, two months before the wedding date of June 23rd, that the wedding was off. What the hell is wrong with him?






7. Amanda Vanderpool (Ladislav Smid) – this model from Beverly Hills was an Ice Girl for the Anaheim Ducks and has also played for the L.A. Temptation of the Lingerie Football League.






6. Gena Lee Nolin (Cale Hulse) – I remember watching Gena Lee on The Price is Right as one of Barker’s Beauties. You isn’t kiddin, Bob.






5. Willa Ford (Mike Modano) – occupations include singer, songwriter, dancer, record producer, presenter, and actress. That beats my resume by a mile, to be honest.






4. Hilary Duff (Mike Comrie) – another high profile relationship, it was announced in Feb 2010 that they were engaged. Maybe it is something in the water in Ottawa? (Fisher still plays there, Comrie played there in 06/07 and 08/09)




[Editor's Note: Once again fellas, you weren't quick enough. Another one off the market this summer.]







3. Kelly Carlson (Tie Domi) - the star of Nip/Tuck has been involved with the pugilistic Tie Domi for over two years. Proof that love truly is blind.






2. Carrie Underwood (Mike Fisher) – originally meeting at Underwood’s concert in Ottawa, they became engaged in December 2009 and are currently the model for country singer/hockey player relationships in the NHL.



[Editor's Note: I know, I know, you're sick of my face already, what with my constant reminders that these women are now officially out of your reach (like they weren't, even before the nuptuals)]








1. Elisha Cuthbert (Dion Phaneuf) - formerly involved with the always classy and tactful Sean Avery, Elisha’s name was dragged through the mud when Avery used a term describing the Cuthbert/Phaneuf relationship that got him suspended for six games by the Commish (Bettman, not Spezzal Teams Playa, although I am sure that Spezzal would have done the same thing). Must see Cuthbert film: The Girl Next Door (2004).





30 comments:

  1. I gotta give the edge to Cale Hulse, who never once ranked in the Top-7 of any list alongside these multi-millionaires.

    That alone should have bumped him at least one spot higher, for degree of difficulty.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Too bad Fisher didn't have time to shave before his wedding to Hilary. What, did he have practice that day or something?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. um, Fisher didn't marry Hilary that's Mike Comrie

      Delete
  3. Fisher's wedding to who now?

    For your information, he shaved 5 minutes before shooting the video, but his chin is so full of testosterone that it grows the hair back immediately.

    Notice how whenever the director tries to get a shot of Mike, Mike's chin pushes the rest of Mike's face out of the shot. Nobody upstages Mike's chin.

    If Mike's chin had taken over the Tonight Show in stead of Conan, Jay Leno and his delicate, womanly chin would be spending his days sunbathing in Mailbu.

    In fact, it's only because of Mike's chin's generosity that Comrie was able to marry Hilary. If Mike's chin had wanted to, it could have talked Hilary into a four-way with Carrie and Fisher.

    The truth is, Mike's chin doesn't want to be tied down - whether to one woman, or by a hockey helmet strap. Mike's chin needs to be free to do whatever it wants to do.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well Done!

    (By both the 10 NHLers and Minnesota Chris)

    Ladislav Smid at number 7 is doing much more than allright...wow!

    And those striped rompers on Hank his bride are absolutely horrific. (A bit ironic that the wedding ended up in prison stripes).

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oops. Sorry I meant Mike Comrie, not Fisher. I confused myself by mentioning them both. I was distracted. And easily confused. In fact, it's time for me daily gum chewing/walking practice, so I'll check back later.

    ReplyDelete
  6. One more thing. Did anyone else notice Zetterberg's smug looking smile in the prison stripes pic, that look that is just kind of saying, "Yep, that's right, boys. All mine. Better luck next time".

    Seriosuly, I wish I could put those little Peanuts style dialogue balloons on some of these and just write in my own wording on what they are really thinking.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sorry, one more thing. I just noticed that 9 out of the 10 here are blondes. Just wanted to mention that this was not intended. I don't have a thing for blondes, Drew Barrymore aside. If/when I do a similar list, perhaps I will go more equal opportunity and do (not like that) the top 10 redheads, brunettes, etc. I should have better things to do, but this sounds like more fun.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ah yes. Rich boy also went with the unshaven look on his wedding day. He wishes he had Mike Fisher's chin to pull that look off.

    BTW, Hank and wifey aren't wearing prison stripes - their whole wedding party partook in an 1890s swimming expedition and that's what old-timey swim trunks looked like.

    Imagine if one of them actual 1890s women saw a woman on the beach dressed like Kelly Carlson?

    What's Swedish for, "I do believe I have the vapors"?

    p.s. check out Datsyuk and Filppula on the far left, back row

    ReplyDelete
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  28. Gena should be #1

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  29. I feel Hilary Duff should be ranked at the top in the list of hockey wives, Fisher and Hilary make a perfect couple together. Do you have some beautiful pictures of hot hockey wives?

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