The Top Ten List: Baseball Wives and Girlfriends

By Chris Barrymore


In spite of an overwhelming lack of demand for a new Top Ten List of any kind, and the fact I blew through most of what I would classify as my good ideas last season, and the fact I may have been dealing with a case of writer’s block (even though I am not a writer), I managed to scrape together a new post. Speaking of writer’s block, consider if one had writer’s block and then tried to write about having writer’s block. Said blocked writer could discuss what caused their block to happen, what they did to avoid the daily torment of not writing, and how they successfully overcame it with a 1000 page book about writer’s block. Might work for some, but to me it sounds like a clear path to the asylum.

Yet another clear path to the asylum is having family visit you in three separate waves since the beginning of June, including a certain league manager’s mother. The last of these visits just ended only last Saturday, which is perhaps why I am suddenly feeling motivated and inspired once again. And what better way to exercise that inspiration than to talk about steaming hot women that I will never meet with co-managers who I will also likely never meet.

As always, I digress. We all know that athletes and musicians get all the babes. Despite how much we may adore the significant others in our lives, the women here are quite possibly from another world.

As a follow up to The Top Ten List: Hockey Wives and Girlfriends, I am humbled to present The Top Ten List: Baseball Wives and Girlfriends.

The same disclaimers from the hockey list apply here.

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Brittany Binger (Grady Sizemore, Cle) - A former Playmate of the month for Mr. Sizemore.

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Krystle Campbell (Ryan Howard, Phi) - I was going to use the requisite "hitting lots of home runs" joke here, but I needed it later on, so let's try this. Ryan Howard is scoring touchdowns with this Eagles' cheerleader more than just on Sundays in the fall.

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Joanna Garcia (Nick Swisher, NYY) - Married to the Yankees outfielder since last December, this actress was once the homecoming queen at Florida’s Tampa Catholic High School. For those of you whose minds may be wandering already, let me clarify that this was a co-ed school. Thus, the ability to name a queen and king for prom, as opposed to just a bunch of queens.

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Heidi Hamels (Cole Hamels, Phi) – This former Survivor contestant married the Phillies’ pitcher on New Year’s Eve 2006. On Survivor: The Amazon, Heidi lasted longer than most, being the 12th contestant (out of 16) to be voted off. A notable moment of this season occurred during a challenge testing players’ endurance against temptation. While all the players were standing on a pillar, the players were told they would be tempted with various rewards for hopping off voluntarily. Almost immediately, Jenna Morasca (the eventual champion) and Heidi Strobel offered to remove all of their clothes if they were provided with chocolate and peanut butter. The host complied with their request, and a very naked Jenna and Heidi exited the challenge and ate their plates of Oreos and peanut butter. Their escapades earned them a cover shot and pictorial in Playboy.

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Marikym Hervieux (Russell Martin, NYY) – He may be having a poor season at the plate (.222 Avg), but something tells me Martin’s average is much higher once he gets home.

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Kate Hudson (Alex Rodriguez, NYY) – Although not together any longer, one would hesitate to argue over Ms. Hudson’s inclusion here. It should also be noted that she was once married to The Black Crowes’ Chris Robinson, but eventually separated due to “irreconcilable differences”. This could be taken to mean that good old Chris was just smoking too damn much pot. Now engaged to another musician, Matt Bellamy of Muse, this is one starlet who seems to have eyes for both athletes and musicians. Maybe one day she can find someone who is both.

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Minka Kelly (Derek Jeter, NYY) - The Yankees just have it all, don't they. Bright lights, big city, amazing babes. Jeter has been through his share of women, but I'd still be shocked if he didn't stop with this one.

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Emily Kuchar (Zack Greinke, Mil) - Emily is a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. She is also Miss Daytona Beach USA 2008. However, these two are high school sweethearts, having met at Apopka High School in Orange County, Florida. Awwwwwww.

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Jennifer Lopez (Felipe Lopez, TB) – A picture is worth a thousand words, so I need add nothing. Except for one thing: Why is my name not Felipe Lopez? And besides, I must be up to around 800 words by now, no?

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Diana Roberts (Brian Roberts, Bal) - Brian Roberts is another player having a poor season at the plate (.221 avg), but you know he's hitting home runs after every home game. Ba-dum-chhhh

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Not a Fucking Sport: Drew Barrymore's New Band

By Chris Barrymore


Long ago, in a galaxy far away, there was a certain member of these leagues (who shall remain nameless) that was dealing with a certain fascination with one Ms. Drew Barrymore. For those of you who remember and have tried to forget, I apologize. For those of you who were never exposed to it, I envy you.

But at one time, in the far reaches of this league manager’s mind, it was conjured up that Drew Barrymore started a rock band. This band was called Drew Barrymore and the Slapshots, if I recall. The band released a collection of songs on various formats (my preference being the special edition double LP vinyl) filled with hockey themed songs of suggestive double entendres and innuendo. Needless to say, the record/CD/8 track/cassette/MP3/digital whatever sold millions and was a huge hit.

Now, being the ambitious, creative, intriguing, and mesmerizing person that she is, Ms. Barrymore decided that just doing that hockey album was not enough. Even though she loves hockey and cannot wait for it to start again and is thinking about doing a countdown to when the hockey drafts might start, she wanted to do a quick side project and put together a new band to do a record about baseball. The name of this band, you ask? Drew Barrymore and the Ball Boys.

Here are the details of this stunning new release:

TRACKLISITING:

Squeeze Play
Foul Territory
Sweet Spot
Bottom of the Ninth
Blowing the Save
Bushleaguer
Getting to First Base
Outside My Strike Zone
No Hitting (On Me Tonight)
One Night Home Stand
Juiced

Of course, given the explicit content, Walmart is refusing to carry this. So you will need to search elsewhere for your must-have copy.

Well, time to go and watch Fever Pitch again.

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The Top Ten List: Songs Containing an NHL City

By Chris Barrymore


St. Louis Blues, William Handy (1914) - This popular American song has been performed by numerous artists, such as Guy Lombardo, Glenn Miller, and the Boston Pops Orchestra. The Bessie Smith/Louis Armstrong version was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame in 1993, while the version by Armstrong and his orchestra was inducted in 2008. And of course, the actual NHL team was named after the song. And I'm not even kidding.

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Nashville Rebel, Waylon Jennings (from Nashville Rebel, 1966) - The late singer actually had two songs on this record name dropping Nashville, the other being Nashville Bum. Personally, I think Nashville Rebels would be a better name than Nashville Predators. Maybe the name “Rebels” has too many negative connotations, but how many wildlife predators are actually lurking within the city of Nashville?

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Carolina in My Mind, James Taylor (from James Taylor, 1968) - So, Carolina isn’t exactly a city. It’s not even a state without a North or a South attached. But if the NHL can cheat in its attempt to regionalize its marketing campaigns for the southeast, then I can cheat and include it here. And why do the Florida Panthers get to claim the entire Sunshine State when the Tampa Bay Lightning also play within the same state borders. No wonder the Lightning hate the Panthers so much. And then you have the Minnesota Wild and the Colorado Avalanche, who are doubly cheating by not only using their home state instead of a city, but also using a non plural team name. Makes me sick. What’s next, the Winnipeg Windchill? How about the Quebec Electricity?

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L.A. Woman, The Doors (from L.A. Woman, 1971) - This is the final record that Jim Morrison recorded before his still mysterious and debated death in a Paris hotel room’s bathtub. Morrison was also called The Lizard King. Lizard King. Los Angeles Kings. Need I say more?

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Jesus Just Left Chicago, ZZ Top (from Tres Hombres, 1973) - And if the Blackhawks keep playing like they have been, then Jesus will be carrying the NHL’s Holy Grail, The Stanley Cup, with him on his way out of town. The Hawks currently sit in 11th place, 4 points out of the 8th seed.

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Philadelphia Freedom, Elton John (single release, 1975) - Eventually reaching #1 on the music charts in several countries, this song is actually inspired by the Philadelphia Freedoms tennis team. However, numerous hockey references are available if you’re willing to swallow the red pill and see the world in its true light. The Philadelphia Flyers were founded in 1967. The songwriting partnership of Elton John and Bernie Taupin was founded in 1967. Philadelphia Freedom came out in 1975. The Flyers won the Stanley Cup in 1975. Besides all that, PF are the initials of both the song and the team. Mind = blown.

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Detroit Rock City, KISS (from Destroyer, 1976) - With one of the best home ice records in the league over the past couple of decades, the Red Wings often rock their opponents. Corny, I know, but true. Besides, I don’t see anyone else trying these lists, so shut up. A connection could also be made by pointing out that KISS is one of music’s top merchandisers, with everything from coffee to condoms to coffins, while the Red Wings are one of the league’s leaders in merchandise sales. Although I doubt we’ll see Red Wings condoms or coffins anytime soon.

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New York State of Mind, Billy Joel (from Turnstiles, 1976) - There are a couple of interesting things about this one. The running time is 5 minutes 58 seconds. That is also the over/under on how long it will take for the first player ejection when the New York Islanders and Pittsburgh Penguins meet again on April 8, 2011. And 1976 is also the over/under on penalty minutes for that same game. I can’t wait to see Mario Lemieux in the front row in Uniondale, banging on the glass, cheering on his Penguins.

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Buffalo Stance, Neneh Cherry (from Raw Like Sushi, 1988) - Neneh Cherry (no relation to Don Cherry, or Cherry Blasts for that matter) offered this tune on her debut record in the late 80s. She would achieve international success with this record and song, before fading into pop culture history like so many others. Some inside sources have said this was originally titled “Bison Stance” but was changed at the very last minute. Whew - close one!

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Our Love is as Tall as the Calgary Tower, Woodpigeon (from Die Stadt Muzikanten, 2010) - No hockey related list would be complete without at least one Canadian inclusion. I know nothing about this band, or if they are any good. But by including an NHL city in one of their song titles, they’re in. Congrats, Woodpigeon.

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The Top Ten List: Songs Containing the Word 'Ice'

By Chris Barrymore


As with any list related to artistic endeavors, objectivity goes out the window and subjectivity quickly assumes command. Therefore, this list will reflect (as it should) my own personal tastes. This means no Ice Cube, Ice T, and despite the warning from Stitts, no Vanilla Ice. Deal with it. Not saying that these artists don’t deserve accolades for their music. Well, except for Vanilla Ice. Nothing against him as a person, but the song? That’s another story. Ice Ice Baby is like mold on the unflushed toilet bowl of American pop culture. No matter how hard you scrub, you can never quite get all of it and somehow it still remains. Moving on.

(Disclaimer: Due to the lack of song titles with 'ice' in them in the musical genres that I am really into, there is a limit to how much this list accurately reflects my true musical preferences. It’s not like Rush (really big fan) even has any lyrics with 'ice' in them, so I can’t even stretch that into a Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon style rambling. I’ve got better things to do. Or do I? Again .... moving on).

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Skating Away on the Thin Ice of the New Day, Jethro Tull, 1974 – Ever the quirky British band, they’ve now been around for 43 years incorporating a wide range of styles including progressive, folk, blues, classical, and jazz to name a few. The song title could perhaps be applied to an AHL callup hoping for some 4th line duty in that night’s game, but at the same time knowing he may get a tap on the shoulder sending him back to Bridgeport, Rochester, Providence, Grand Rapids or Rockford. Thin ice indeed.

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Cold as Ice, Foreigner, 1977 – A staple of classic rock radio, this remains an iconic song that has since been covered by other artists and integrated into the Rock Band video games. Thank you, Lou Gramm and Mick Jones.

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Ice Cream Man, Van Halen, 1978 – Eddie and company offered a cover version of this John Brim song on their world shaking debut record. Not necessarily directed related to hockey, but then again who doesn’t enjoy a nice ice cream when watching a game at any level?

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The Thin Ice, Pink Floyd, 1979 – Many of these songs about ice understandably convey a feeling of desolation and/or contradiction. Ice, after all, is a cold word. This song from the classic (yet about to crumble) lineup of Pink Floyd is no different.

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Fire and Ice, Pat Benatar, 1981 – Another classic rock gem, this is 3 min 20 sec of hard hitting rock from a woman who some say pioneered a certain pathway in music that others have continued to follow. “You come on like a (Calgary?) flame, then you turn a cold shoulder, fire and ice”. Chilling.

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Ice, Sarah McLachlan, 1994 – The sultry siren from Nova Scotia, but now based in Vancouver, released this simply titled, yet haunting track, on her Fumbling Towards Ecstasy masterpiece. Most likely a Canucks fan, if a hockey fan at all.

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Ice Queen, Within Temptation, 2001 – This Dutch symphonic metal band is fairly popular in Europe. Not so much in North America. And that’s not okay. This particular song has become one of their most popular and is often the show closer.

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Ice Cold Man, Probot, 2004 – The Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl lined up a series of singers that inspired him as a youth for this project. This track features Lee Dorian of Napalm Death on what some reviewers have called “a doom laden dirge”. I see this track being used if the NHL ever allows entrance music to be used for certain players, similar to the way that MLB closers can have special music played on their way to the mound for the final 3 outs.

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Black Ice, AC/DC, 2008 – The hard rock band’s first new material in 8 years, this title track closed out the album. Say what you will about the band’s tendency to play the same chord over and over, only with different lyrics, throughout the course of their career. Whether you like them or not, there is no denying their popularity and success. And being in Minnesota, black ice will always have a special place in my heart especially since the overnight low tonight is forecast to be between 10 and 20 degrees below 0 (Fahrenheit).

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The Hockey Theme, Neil Peart, 2009 - Speaking of Rush, rounding out The Top Ten List is the last minute addition of Neil Peart’s The Hockey Theme, arranged and recorded for TSN. I am qualifying this track on the basis that I’ve seen the subtitle Fire on Ice used for this new version of the old Hockey Night in Canada theme by Canada’s greatest, and some say the world’s greatest rock drummer. It gets no more genuine than this.

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And since this list is spawned from a fantasy hockey league, allow me to end with my own fantasy section I like to call the “If Juliette Lewis Can Do It” category.

Drew Barrymore starts a rock band called The Slapshots and they come out with a record/tape/CD/MP3/digital whatever filled with songs of hockey related double entendres and innuendo. Sample song titles may include the following: Slip it Through the 5 Hole, 2 Minutes in the Box, Spearing Me With Your Love, Hooking You In, and Concussion of Love. Other, less sleazy song titles may be something such as Bench Clearing Brawl, Slapshot to My Heart, Goalie Fight, and a ballad titled simply, Icing the Puck of Love.

Now, you may think that wholesome Drew Barrymore would not be capable of such musical debauchery. I too felt the same way. Then I saw her potty mouthed performance in the recent film Going the Distance. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. Not in the film itself, but in the fact that I was witness to the fading innocence of an angel (although this thought conveniently dismisses her late teens/early 20s, but we don’t talk about that). That is why she’s got to start this band. She can’t go back to being “girl next door” Drew, now.

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The Top Ten List: Hockey Wives and Girlfriends

By Chris Barrymore


Assuming this works, I am honored to present my first post here (not counting all those other ones that the Commish helped me out with), as The Top Ten Hockey Wives and Girlfriends. This is where you should start ooohing and aaahing, for practice (if nothing else), at the forthcoming information.

Upon doing some additional research on this topic, I found that it was not quite as unique of an idea as I had first thought it to be. Even so, I am still going to proceed and post because, quite frankly, I've got nothing better to do at the moment.

Disclaimer #1: On the one-in-a-million chance that any one of the actual players happen upon this blog and takes offense that their past or current hotties are included here (yes, I'm talking to you, Tie Domi), please know that this is done as an act of respect and reverence. I am not asking for a beatdown of any kind. Essentially, it is one guy saying to another, "Well done, sir. Very well done".

Disclaimer #2: Because I do not have any photographs of wives, fiancees, or girlfriends who do not already have pseudo-celebrity status, this list is limited to those whose pics are easily obtained via web search. If I did have photographic evidence of the non-celebrities of this group, then I am positive the list would be completely different. I have no doubt that there are probably some true angels out there in hockeyland, and if they have to work outside the home then they may have chosen a profession that doesn't lend itself to having one's photo bouncing around all over the internet.

Without further delay, here they are. (If you have a drum, please start rolling it now)

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10. Janet Jones (Wayne Gretzky) - because no Top Ten List would be complete without the Great One, we present his Janet Jones. Proof that he wasn't scoring only on the ice.

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9. Emma Andersson (Henrik Zetterberg) – this Swedish television presenter, actress, and singer is currently engaged to the Red Wings center.



[Editor's Note: sorry fellas, but Hank liked it and put a ring on it over the summer.]

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8. Rachel Hunter (ex-fiancee of Jarret Stoll) - perhaps the Queen of the Cougars, Hunter (41) and Stoll (28) were engaged up until the point when Stoll emailed the wedding guests, two months before the wedding date of June 23rd, that the wedding was off. What the hell is wrong with him?

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7. Amanda Vanderpool (Ladislav Smid) – this model from Beverly Hills was an Ice Girl for the Anaheim Ducks and has also played for the L.A. Temptation of the Lingerie Football League.

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6. Gena Lee Nolin (Cale Hulse) – I remember watching Gena Lee on The Price is Right as one of Barker’s Beauties. You isn’t kiddin, Bob.

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5. Willa Ford (Mike Modano) – occupations include singer, songwriter, dancer, record producer, presenter, and actress. That beats my resume by a mile, to be honest.

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4. Hilary Duff (Mike Comrie) – another high profile relationship, it was announced in Feb 2010 that they were engaged. Maybe it is something in the water in Ottawa? (Fisher still plays there, Comrie played there in 06/07 and 08/09)




[Editor's Note: Once again fellas, you weren't quick enough. Another one off the market this summer.]

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3. Kelly Carlson (Tie Domi) - the star of Nip/Tuck has been involved with the pugilistic Tie Domi for over two years. Proof that love truly is blind.

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2. Carrie Underwood (Mike Fisher) – originally meeting at Underwood’s concert in Ottawa, they became engaged in December 2009 and are currently the model for country singer/hockey player relationships in the NHL.



[Editor's Note: I know, I know, you're sick of my face already, what with my constant reminders that these women are now officially out of your reach (like they weren't, even before the nuptuals)]

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1. Elisha Cuthbert (Dion Phaneuf) - formerly involved with the always classy and tactful Sean Avery, Elisha’s name was dragged through the mud when Avery used a term describing the Cuthbert/Phaneuf relationship that got him suspended for six games by the Commish (Bettman, not Spezzal Teams Playa, although I am sure that Spezzal would have done the same thing). Must see Cuthbert film: The Girl Next Door (2004).

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The Top Ten List: Films About Basketball Games

By Chris Barrymore


As I have admittedly been distracted by the Stanley Cup Playoffs, I have been remiss in not posting The Top Ten List for films about basketball. So in an effort to be timely with the Lakers finishing off the Celtics this week, and before people start talking about football again (the kind on the gridiron, not that other kind), I am going to sneak this list in.

This is a rushed list, so there's no time to forecast which of these films will be replaced on the List by the inevitable Hollywood debut of LeBron James. Thanks go out to friend of the blog, Roger Ebert, for his contributions and for those of his colleagues.

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That Championship Season (1982) Starring Bruce Dern, Stacy Keach, Robert Mitchum, Martin Sheen, Paul Sorvino

"A brittle but emotional saga of how significant moments in life can have considerable impact later. Based on a Pulitzer Prize-winning play, this film showcases Jason Miller's brilliant screenplay about friendship, but it's the incredible performances that make these characters real." - Diana Saenger, ReelTalk Movie Reviews

Teen Wolf (1985) Starring Michael J. Fox

"This film is an unexpectedly charming little movie about learning how to get through high school with your self-esteem intact. Fox's teen character is, you know, going through changes, he says, his voice cracking. Hair is growing in places it wasn't before. When his dad reveals that the men in the family tend to get a lot more hair growing in a lot more places than other men, Scott is devastated .... and then elated, when his new feralness makes him the star b-ball player and the hit of the school." - MaryAnn Johanson, Flick Filosopher

Hoosiers (1986) Starring Gene Hackman, Barbara Hershey, Dennis Hopper

"I was a sportswriter once for a couple of years in downstate Illinois. I covered mostly high school sports, and if I were a sportswriter again, I'd want to cover them again. There is a passion to high school sports that transcends anything that comes afterward; nothing in pro sports equals the intensity of a really important high school basketball game. This film knows that." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

White Men Can't Jump (1992) Starring Wesley Snipes, Woody Harrelson, Rosie Perez

"This film supplies the predictable sports formulas leading up to the big game. But even here it has surprises - and the payoff isn't exactly what we suspected. Here is a comedy of great high spirits, with an undercurrent of sadness and sweetness that makes it a lot better than the plot itself could possibly suggest." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Blue Chips (1994) Starring Nick Nolte, Mary McDonnell, J.T. Walsh, Ed O'Neill, Alfre Woodard, Bob Cousy, Anfernee Hardaway, Shaquille O'Neal

"The movie contains a certain amount of basketball, but for once here's a sports movie where everything doesn't depend on who wins the big game. It's how they win it. This film is a morality play, that projects a certain cynicism even in the midst of its bedrock morality. The message seems to be that although one man can take a stand, the system has been too corrupt for too long to change. The underlying theme, I think, is that since top-level intercollegiate athletic programs are profit centers for their universities and feeding programs for the pro leagues, maybe the players should be paid, and the pretense of amateurism dropped. Look at the once-amateur Olympics." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Hoop Dreams (1994) Starring William Gates, Arthur Agee

"The sports stories develop headlong suspense, but the real heart of this film involves the scenes filmed in homes, playgrounds and churches in the inner city. There are parallel dramas involving fathers: Arthur's leaves the family after 20 years, gets involved with drugs, spends time in jail, returns, testifies in song at a Sunday service, but does not quite regain his son's trust. William's father has been out of the picture for years; he runs an auto garage, is friendly when he sees his son occasionally. The mothers are the key players in both families--and we also glimpse an extended family network that lends encouragement and support." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

He Got Game (1998) Starring Denzel Washington, Ray Allen, Milla Jovovich, Rosario Dawson, Ned Beatty, Jim Brown

"This is not so much a movie about sports as about capitalism. It doesn't end, as the formula requires, with a big game. In fact, it never creates artificial drama with game sequences. This film is about the real stakes, which involve money more than final scores, and showmanship as much as athletics." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Michael Jordan to the Max (2000) Starring Michael Jordan

"This film documents how Chicago Bulls No. 23 gave his all and then some, whether for the good of the team or for first-time visitors that had never seen him play in person. In Jordan's professional career, he missed 13,156 baskets and, by example, he showed how not to let past failures hinder his future performances. He was the first one to practice and the last one to leave as he struggled to make his weaknesses his strengths. This exploration of Jordan's superhuman focus gives a keen insight into his psyche as he uses discipline, determination, dedication, teamwork, fear, disappointment and failure to make himself and those around him both physically and mentally strong." - Dwayne E. Leslie, Box Office Magazine

Coach Carter (2005) Starring Samuel L. Jackson

"This film gives full weight to public opinion in the communities where they're set - places where the public's interest in secondary education seems entirely focused on sports, where coaches are more important than teachers, where scores are more important than grades. Coach Carter wants to change all that. He walks into a gymnasium ruled by loud, arrogant, disrespectful student jocks, and commands attention with the fierceness of his attitude. He makes rules. He requires the students to sign a contract, promising to maintain a decent grade-point average as the price of being on the team. His most dramatic decision was to lock the gymnasium, forfeit games and endanger the team's title chances after some of his players refused to live up to the terms of the contract. The community of course was outraged that a coach would put grades above winning games; for them, the future for the student athletes lies in the NBA, not education. Given the odds against making it in the NBA (dramatically demonstrated in the great documentary Hoop Dreams), this reasoning is like considering the lottery a better bet than working for a living." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

Glory Road (2006) Starring Josh Lucas, Jon Voight

"This film is about racism in American sports, and how coach Don Haskins and his players on the 1965-66 basketball team from Texas Western University made a breakthrough comparable to when Jackie Robinson was hired by the Brooklyn Dodgers. In Texas at that time, we learn, college basketball teams had been integrated, but there was an informal rule that you never played more than one black player at home, two on the road or three if you were behind. After Texas Western won the 1966 NCAA championship with an all-black team on the court, defeating an all-white Kentucky team, the rules were rewritten, and modern college and professional basketball began." - Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

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The Top Ten List: Films About The Sweet Science

By Chris Barrymore

Presented, as I am wont to do, in chronological order:

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Kid Galahad (1962) Starring Elvis Presley, Charles Bronson – Although I have not yet seen this film, it was recommended by Will-He-M, and since I have no reason to doubt the integrity or honesty of the Shithawks, it’s in. This is a remake of the 1937 original, and stars Mississippi’s favorite son in perhaps the first (and last?) boxing film that also happens to be a musical. Here's a more interesting fact. For this role, Presley was tutored in the arts of pugilism by former world welterweight champ Mushy Callahan, who has got to possess the best name of all time.




Requiem for a Heavyweight (1962) Starring Anthony Quinn, Jackie Gleason, Mickey Rooney, Jack Dempsey, Rory Calhoun, Cassius Clay – This film is the big screen adaptation of Rod Serling’s original teleplay. Quinn stars as a once-promising but now washed-up boxer who faces the end of his career after he is savagely defeated by a much younger foe. Cassius Clay appears as himself, as Quinn's opponent in a match at the beginning of the movie.




The Champ (1979) Starring Jon Voight, Faye Dunaway, Ricky Schroder – The original 1931 version won Academy Awards for Best Actor and Best Story (as it was called at the time). This film however, even though it is one of the first boxing films I remember seeing, didn’t win quite as many any at all. In fairness though, lil' Ricky Schroder did win the Golden Globe Award for Best New Male Star of the Year in a Motion Picture. The 9 year-old won for his surprising performance as T.J. Flynn. The ending of this film makes me cry like a fantasy manager who complains about one’s team and the league settings even after weeks of open discussion on the topic leading up to the draft. Pass the Kleenex!




Raging Bull (1980) Starring Robert DeNiro, Cathy Moriarty, Joe Pesci – This film has truly achieved legendary status, and featured Martin Scorcese directing Robert DeNiro, as real life boxer, Jake LaMotta. To this day, the role represents DiNiro's only Best Actor Oscar win.




Rocky III (1982) Starring Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Carl Weathers, Burgess Meredith, Mr. T, Hulk Hogan - I'd like to nominate the entire Rocky series (1976-2006), but will settle for what is probably my personal favorite. Little needs to be said about this film, or any in the series really, since everyone already knows all there is to know about it. I probably could have included at least Rocky IV (1985) and Rocky Balboa (2006) on this list, but decided to stick with just the one film.




When We Were Kings (1996) Starring Muhammad Ali, George Foreman, Don King, James Brown, B.B. King, Mobutu Sese Seko, Spike Lee, Norman Mailer, George Plimpton – This film is a documentary about the 1974 Rumble in the Jungle between Ali and Foreman. It contains lots of social and political overtones, since in 1974, much like today, there were many things going in the U.S. and around the world that were shaping the present and the future to come. It won the Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature, and at the presentation, both Ali and Foreman came up to join the filmmakers to make it clear they had long made peace, with Foreman even helping Ali up the stairs.




The Hurricane (1999) Starring Denzel Washington - This film tells the story of boxer Rubin “Hurricane” Carter, whose conviction for a triple-murder was set aside after he had spent almost 20 years in prison. The script was adapted from the books Lazarus and the Hurricane by Sam Chaiton and Terry Swinton, and The 16th Round, written by Carter himself.




Ali (2001) Starring Will Smith, Jamie Foxx, Jon Voight, Mario Van Peebles, Ron Silver, Mykelti Williamson, Jada Pinkett Smith - This film tells the story of Muhammad Ali from 1964-1974, and covers his capturing the heavyweight title from Sonny Liston, his conversion to Islam, his criticism if the Vietnam War, his banishment from boxing, his return against Joe Frazier, and his regaining of the title from Foreman in the Rumble in the Jungle. Nominated for numerous awards from assorted foundations and associations, but came up empty on its two Academy Awards categories (Best Actor - Will Smith, Best Supporting Actor - Jon Voight)




Million Dollar Baby (2004) Starring Clint Eastwood, Hilary Swank, Morgan Freeman – Not only starring, but also directed by, co-produced by, and even scored by Eastwood, this film takes its name from a 1941 film that starred Ronald Reagan. Eastwood and company won the Academy Awards for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress (Swank), and Best Supporting Actor (Freeman). Plus, Eastwood was also nominated for Best Actor. Many have argued that this is Eastwood’s masterpiece, though I would personally vote for Unforgiven (1992).




Cinderella Man (2005) Starring Russell Crowe, Renee Zellweger, Paul Giamatti - Although Crowe appears to be a total jackass in real life, his films tend to transcend his public persona and invite the viewer on various journeys through the history of man. In this film, he stars as Irish-American boxer, James J. Braddock. Set during the Great Depression, it is inspired by the true-life story of the heavyweight champ who overcame 10-1 odds to beat Max Baer. This is considered one of the greatest upsets in boxing history. Although not included in the movie, because it would be a bummer of an ending, Braddock would later lose the title to Joe Louis, a couple of years later.

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Hittin Da Lynx: The State of the League Address

By Spezzal Teams Playa


My fellow Canadians North Americans, the state of the Sports Talk Pool is good.

Never before in our nation's history have we seen so much activity, from so many sources. All 20 of us are routinely active in a league which requires finesse and attention to detail, if not everyday, then at least every Monday and every Thursday. Our sister league, the STP Baseball Dynasty, enjoys almost complete participation as well, with at least 19 teams playing daily.

But it is here, on this blog, where the fruits of that participation are felt most. Before the month is out, we are expected to pass the 100-story threshold, which is amazing when you consider that this season began with only 50 stories in the archives after the first eleven months of publishing. In fact, I felt that because so many articles have been published here lately, that I should put up a post that detailed those articles, in order to make them easier to locate. The sheer volume of material may have buried some of the features before they could be read by all, so think of this as one of those baseball cards called the Checklist. Got it? Got it. Need it, got it, got it ....

• First off, where would this blog be without the more than a dozen Carnac the Guru installments over the past two weeks. The most amazing edition has to be the one when Boston was leading their series, three games to one. <Carnac Predicts the Impossible>
  
  
• On top of those daily features, our friend the Hockey Guru has also provided daily updates to our playoff hockey pool, despite his own obvious lack of a hope in Hell. <Playoff Hockey Pool: May Madness>
  
  
• Will-He-M continued where he left off last season, when he started publishing a 30-part series that documented the histories of each MLB teams' top players. To those of you reading this while at work, no need to worry about nudity and swearing. And chances are your boss would engage in the discussion, even if he did catch you fornicating the dog. <All Time Well Wasted>
  
  
• Minnesota Chris (aka Hell Lions) would more accurately be described as the person to have picked up where Will-He-M left off, as Will had actually been publishing regular Top Ten Lists last season. If you're not a fan of Drew Barrymore, you can probably still find something interesting here, but for the rest of us, er, normal people, er, 90% of males, 10% of females, and roughly four-fifths of the gay & lesbian populations, grab some popcorn and prepare to get your Barrymore on. <The Top Ten Links to Click On>
  
  
• Some of you know him as Fowl Play, but I re-christened him Dive'r Down Dave when he agreed to periodically provide us with his recurring almanac feature. For those of you who fell asleep in history class, you'll enjoy the bullets as much as Eva Braun. <Where Were You, On This Day?>
  
  
• I've received a few trade offers lately that were, shall we say, not very flattering towards my intelligence. To those of you who have received a tersely worded rejection from me in the past week or so, allow me to say it more diplomatically. I loves ya but I ain't gonna be no fool. <YouTubey Goodness>
  
  
  
  
• If you want to call this here post an "article", then maybe I can get away with saying that I contributed multiple stories to the blog the past few weeks. If, on the other hand, you want to be honest, then call a spade a spade and chastise the author for producing only one solitary feature this month, and then whining for days about how hard he worked on it. <Lazy, Whining Pussy>
  
  
• Before ever donning the giant turban, and back in the days when the Muff Divers team thought they had a shot at winning the hockey pool, the Hockey Guru used his uncanny abilities to debunk myths, disspell notions and generally do his best to preserve the Queen's English. Despite its earlier vintage, I decided to place it here, in the Andy Rooney segment of this list. You know what I hate? When people don't click on these links. <This Is, The Guru Report>
  
  
• And finally, we leave you with something to ponder, whether you're a Bruins fan, or whether you had wanted to see the Bruins get eliminated by the Habs for the 100th time. <More YouTubitude>

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The Top Ten List: Films About The Fast N' Furious

By Chris Barrymore


I really, really, REALLY wanted to include Charlie’s Angels (2000) on this list. After all, Drew Barrymore easily passes for a member of the pit crew, it has a very important scene that takes place at a race track, and you can’t go wrong with Bill Murray driving your race car around in circles on a track. If this was a Top Eleven List, then it would definitely be included. As it is, it will have to remain only on the Drew Barrymore Top Ten List.

At least for now.

Meanwhile ....

Doing research on the Elvis movies ignited my interest in mid-1960's Ann-Margret. Since she is currently old enough to be my mother, I have to suspend reality a bit here in order to not make this weird. So let's say I could time travel.

If I could time travel, like, as in Back to the Future (1985), then I would go back to the Hollywood sets of the '60s on which Ann-Margret was pouring her young soul out onto the silver screen. The class. The beauty. The voice. Like some sort of angel from Sweden.

It is a reminder of a simpler time. A time that I was never a part of.

And ya know, her appearance on the Flintstones in the early 60's didn't hurt either. It simply introduced a new generation (either through the original broadcast or in my case, reruns) to her AWESOMENESS.

Anyway, on a completely unrelated note, here are the Top Ten racing films of all time, presented once again in chronological order:

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Viva Las Vegas (1964) starring Elvis Presley, Ann-Margret - This film is considered to be one of Elvis' best films. And his co-star, who from what I’ve seen in magazines, TV specials and internet video, really had it all going on back in the ‘60s and ‘70s. The chemistry between the two stars was apparently real during the filming. Elvis Presley and Ann-Margret Olsson allegedly began an affair which received considerable attention from gossip columnists and led to a showdown with a worried Priscilla Beaulieu (aka the future Mrs. Presley). CATFIGHT!!!



Speedway (1968) Starring Elvis Presley, Nancy Sinatra, Bill Bixby – Another entry from The King, only this time he gets close to an American-born princess. This film is good enough to make The List on its own merits, but gets an automatic pass for being a film that features this guy.



Cannonball! (1976) Starring David Carradine - The plot of this film became the basis for other films on this list such as it's namesake, for one. In this original version, the illegal cross country race degenerates into a violent demolition derby as contestants use any means at their disposal to try to eliminate the competition. It culminates in a multiple car pileup in New Jersey. Funny. The same thing happened to me the last time I was in Jersey.



The Cannonball Run (1981) Starring Burt Reynolds, Roger Moore, Farrah Fawcett, Jackie Chan, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Dom Deluise, Terry Bradshaw, Jamie Farr, Tara Buckman, Adrienne Barbeau - This film boasts an All-Star cast and is a hilarious movie. One of my many favorite scenes goes a little something like this:

Fenderbaum: [Fenderbaum and Blake's Ferrari drives alongside J.J.'s ambulance] Pull over! We want to give you our blessing!

Victor Prinsi: J.J., there are two priests in that car. They want us to pull over.

J.J. McClure: Victor, that's two priests driving a Ferrari. When's the last time you saw two priests drive a Ferrari? What are they doing, taking home the bingo money?

Victor Prinsi: No, they're doing the work of the Lord. In a Ferrari, they can just do it faster.

Six Pack (1982) Starring Kenny Rogers, Diane Lane, Anthony Michael Hall - This film is a story about orphaned children who finally find a father. About a lonely man who finally finds a good woman. About an unsuccessful racer who finally finds success on the comeback trail. And everybody lives unreasonably happily ever after.




Days of Thunder (1990) Tom Cruise, Robert Duvall, Nicole Kidman, Randy Quaid - Before Kubrick exposed their marriage as a sham, before it all went bad, and before people starting referring to celebrity couples by some portmanteau of their two names, there was Tom and Nicole in this film.




Dorf Goes Auto Racing (1990) Starring Tim Conway - In this film, the protagonaist, Dorf, with his usual skill, soon turns the race into a shambles and sets the world of stock car racing on its ear. Are we sure we’re not talking about Jimmie Johnson here? I'm sure if someone had actually ever rented a copy of this straight-to-VHS masterpiece, I'd be able to find a clip of it on YouTube. Alas ....




The Fast and the Furious (2001) Starring Vin Diesel, Jordana Brewster, Michelle Rodriguez - The same can be said of all subsequent sequels, but this film has hot chicks and street racing. Need I say more?




Cars (2006) Starring Owen Wilson, Paul Newman, Bonnie Hunt, Larry The Cable Guy, Cheech Marin, Tony Shaloub, George Carlin - Rarely if ever has a racing film, animated or otherwise, taught us so much about sportsmanship, friendship, honor, and loyalty. This film was rightfully nominated for Best Animated Feature for that year’s Academy Award.




Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006) Starring Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Sacha Baron Cohen - This film is already a racing classic and featured a wide range of true life racers and broadcasters including Dale Earnhardt Jr., Darrell Waltrip, and Jamie McMurray.

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