By Spezzal Teams Playa
I started writing that title before coming to the realization that:
a) it was going to end up being far too long, and
b) the truth is that I have never stopped worrying and that I will always hate Yahoo
In case you're wondering just what Yahoo did to piss me off this time, check out the results from my Week 7 game in the football league. On Monday night, hours after the end of the Giants/Cowboys game, I noticed that my opponent's DE Justin Tuck had been credited with a Fumble Recovery, which I had witnessed was the result of a Sack/Forced Fumble by my man Barry Cofield. The thing is, Cofield had only been credited with his first Forced Fumble of the game, and not the one that led to Tuck's recovery.
I know that Yahoo is sometimes slow entering in the data (which they seem to do with the automation of a 1950s secretarial pool), but I found it strange that Tuck's part in that 4th quarter play had already been entered, yet Cofield's had not.
Earlier in the day, before the game began, I had predicted a victory for my team, despite being down by almost 3 points, and despite Tuck being projected to outscore Cofield by 7 more that night. These were the only two players in our Matchup who were playing that night. I believe my exact words that evening were, "In the battle for supremecy within the Giants own D-Line, expect to see Cofield out-tackle Tuck by 3 to secure my victory".
Anyway, getting back to the post-game show, I griped about Cofield's missing stats, stating:
"This is a bunch of bullshit right here, is what this shit is. How the fuck does Tuck get to recover a fumble unless Cofield doesn't force that fumble? Not only did I not get that forced fumble, but what else? No sack on that play either? Bullshit, is what that is. And nevermind the fact that Tuck's fat ass got in the way of Cofield recovering his own forced fumble, like a greedy bastard. What's the matter, Tuck? Couldn't take being upstaged by a DT?"
I was speaking mostly tongue-in-cheek, having already cautioned London earlier in the season about putting too much stock in Yahoo's early results that are never "finalized" until the next morning.
I felt the need to put the word finalized in air quotes there because I recently found out that it's not even over when the fat lady sings, exits stage left, get changed into her street clothes, heads over to the all night diner for a late supper, goes home, eats again, goes to bed, wakes up, eats some more, and spends the next few days eating and sleeping. Apparently at Yahoo, it's not over until three days after the fat lady sings.
So fast-forward to Wednesday morning, and my (6-1) team sits in 3rd place, giving me the 18th waiver priority. Before my turn comes up, a whole whack of guys get plucked by the teams "below" me in the standings, including:
- TE Donald Lee
- WR Arrelious Benn
- WR Brian Robiskie
- LB Na'il Diggs
- RB Sammy Morris
Now I didn't have a pressing need for a WR, nor did I really intend to take a RB, but the truth is that I did put in claims on all three of those players, which makes them slightly different than QB Jon Kitna, who also got picked up in the first wave, between the time the 9th-place team picked and my so-called 3rd-place team picked.
And I may as well have also not even brought up Na'il Diggs because the fact is that, had I been allowed to pick in front of the then 9th-place Colt45 Malt Liquors, my top choice this week was Donald Lee, since my own Tight End was facing his bye.
Anyway, I got my second choice, which was TE Jonathan Stupar - a huge step down from Lee, but someone to plug into my empty TE slot. Had I been allowed to claim Lee in stead of Stupar, then who knows how the rest of the waiver claims would have shaken out. One would assume that Minnesota Snot Bombs would have been stuck with someone as shitty as Stupar, but we'll never know.
So after claiming Stupar, the waiver wheel turned round a few more times, before I got stuck with a Kicker upgrade with my second pick. Those who know my style could attest that upgrading my Kicker would have been my least important waiver move, and the fact that I would soon make three more drops out of RB Julius Jones, QB Matt Moore, and WR Bernard Berrian would seem to confirm that I had been denied at least three waiver claims because of my low priority. By the time Yahoo gave me my least important Kicker upgrade, I had missed out on:
- LB Gary Brackett
- RB Vonta Leach
- TE Brodie Eldridge
- and later, CB Rashean Mathis
In the end, I figure that I got screwed out of a quality Tight End, a quality Linebacker, and had I been allowed to drop my Kicker for Brackett, my a 15th waiver priority by the end of Wednesday morning's claims (I ended up 18th, after my kicker was still around to drop for a new kicker).
I then used my undropped players to pick up a Safety, a lesser Linebacker, and a lesser Wideout, who were not even good enough to put in a claim for, the day before.
So all of this happened as a result of Yahoo having called me the 3rd-place team on Monday night, all day Tuesday, and Wednesday morning. It wasn't until Thursday morning that they decided that I was, in fact, the 9th-place team. And that brings me back to the first reason I realized that I still worry that I will always hate Yahoo.
As you can see in the photo above, Cofield (96) is in the process of completing his Sack by the time Tuck (91) arrives on the scene, while freakish specimen, Jason Pierre-Paul (90) looks on, contributing about as much to the play as Tuck has, at this point.
The key phrase here being at this point.
About two seconds later, Tuck would pounce on the loose ball, as is his custom whenever a guy like Cofield is on the ground after making the real play.
But getting back to the snapshot in time that was captured in the above photo, clearly Jon Kitna has already fumbled the ball, Cofield's right arm is still on Kitna's waist, and Tuck's right arm is still down, well behind Cofield's.
The NFL, being the fascists that they are, will not allow me to embed their videos, and the slow-motion replay in this clip is cut off anyway, but it's still as clear to me now as it was on Monday night - Cofield knocked the ball loose.
You can see, even in the caption below the video, that Cofield is credited with the Sack as well as the fumble. The only thing Tuck was given, was the Fumble Recovery (i.e. the glorified spoils of Cofield's play).
Yahoo obviously hears way too many complaints about these types of things, so contacting them was probably pointless. Given their spotty record on clearly defining their own rules (i.e. tie-break procedures), I suppose that this explanation is as clear as it's going to get.
[Update: Yahoo must have heard my cries, because they have now conveniently placed a link on our league page, to the exact page I linked to, above. You can find it right next to where their ever-so-lame You Have Been Awarded A Medal For Making A Comment feature used to be, or where they place the tutorials for newbies, like how to calculate +/- in hockey]
My final decision is that the NFL seems to have ruled that Tuck forced the fumble *cough*Bullshit*cough*, and therefore my Week 7 victory should actually be a loss. The fact that the delay in reporting the error cost me Donald Lee and Gary Brackett sucks. The fact that I was only eight Week 3 points away from a perfect season last night, but now find myself out of the playoffs also sucks, but whaddya gonna do?
